consume / disburthen

say what you will about BLS, but they certainly do like to shove food into our faces. think back to the mounds of food at the post-convocation reception. a more recent example of this was this past thursday's first class celebration. during the hour or so that i was outside, i believe that i consumed cotton candy, a candy apple, bbq sandwich with cole slaw, a hot dog, one really crappy sushi roll, a hot pretzel with mustard and a shitload of mini black and white cookies. overall it was a pretty nice spread, except for one glaring omission: where was the beer? still, i waddled out of the courtyard with more than a fully belly, but also with a low-quality BLS hat.

some of my friends had their luncheon with the professors this afternoon, and reported that it was more of the same. huge piles of sandwiches and cookies, soft drinks and chips galore... but unfortunately there was virtually no one in attendance, including professors. the word is that only professors hunter and schneider cared enough to come claim a free meal with their students. pitler made it pretty clear in class that he "doesn't do" these types of events, and promised to take his advisees out for lunch really soon. i'm sure he's really excited to get to know everyone better. anyway, props to nan and robyn for at least giving a shit.

speaking of giving shits, i am sure that by now all of you have realized that you always have to go up or down a flight of stairs to find a bathroom in this school. it almost seems like the custodial staff changes the locations of the bathrooms on a daily basis, because i could have sworn that i could take a piss on the fourth floor, but today it had changed into a women's restroom, and i had to walk up to five.

i've been on a month-long mission to find the best bathroom in BLS, one that is quiet, well-lit, and at least semi-private. let's face it, if you're going to spend twelve hours a day in class or in the library, and the school keeps shoving hot dogs and bbq down your throat, from time to time you're going to have to go number two. and for me, "time to time" = every day. i've had a chance to sit in many of our school's bathrooms over the last month, and have found that some are clearly better than others.

possibly the worst place to go is the bathroom in the men's locker room. what's the deal with this anyway? is our locker room supposed to be like a gym? if so, we should do this thing right, and get some showers and saunas. i say if we've got to hear some dude's bowel functioning while we're digging our tort books out of our lockers, we might as go all the way and turn it into a full-blown men's locker room / gym, and maybe get some weights and treadmills, stacks of cheap towels along one wall, a scale, and maybe even some dudes walking around with their dongs hanging out. otherwise, let's just decide that it's going to be a place to keep our books and coats, and find somewhere else to poop.

one of the best restrooms i've found so far is on the 8th floor. this is where our professors have their offices, and presumably it is meant to be their bathroom, but no one has ever stopped me from using it. it is extremely quiet in there, and is fairly well-lit. the only negative is that to get there, you have to walk pass the desks where some of the school secretaries sit. sometimes they give me a funny look when i waddle past them with an A.M. New York tucked under my arm, but fortunately they have the decency to avoid eye contact with me when i emerge twenty minutes later.

i've been having trouble finding restrooms in the library. i know that there is one in the basement, and i think that i once used one on the second floor. does anyone know of any others? there must be a hidden gem somewhere among those stacks of books. anyway, i'm not going to disclose the location of my favorite bathroom just now, because part of what makes a bathroom great is that few other people know where it is.