heathcliff huxtable v. ron midgett

i'm not meant to be a lawyer.

this was made very clear to me today at the research quiz. the person next to me had approximately two hundred tabs in her blue book. i had five - one of them was in the index - and they weren't even attached with any sort of adhesive. they were really just these pathetic little strips of paper i'd torn from the back of the shapo book, like puny second-rate book marks. i could hardly turn the pages without having them fall out onto my desk, or fall into the blue book itself where i couldn't see them.

needless to say, i totally bombed the thing. i'm horribly embarrassed to relay this here, but when asked what "S. Ct." meant, i completely fucked up and guessed that it stood for the "southern district court of connecticut." looking into the blue book now, i see that i was a bit off on that one. if only my tabs had adhered, i might have had a chance.

so i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that i'm not going to be a law student for much longer. i think back to the amount of work that went into getting into law school...

• weeks and weeks of those stupid LSAT prep classes
• actually taking the LSAT itself, which was tantamount to a six-hour kick in the nuts
• requesting and filling out all of those goddam applications
• prostrating myself before my college professors in hopes of receiving letters of recommendation that would put a semi-positive gloss on my pathetic performance as an undergrad
• hours spent giving handjobs in back alleys so that i could pay the application fees
• visiting law schools in other states that would end up rejecting me
• weeks of paperwork and online "interviews" in order to descend into an $18,500 hole

it makes me feel horribly depressed. then i think about all the wonderful things yet to come in this first semester of law school...

for instance, in just the next two months, we all get to write a memo for legal writing, then take a civ pro mid-term, then write ANOTHER memo (but this one is even cooler, because instead of having the cases picked for us, we get to spend thirty hours a day in the library trying to find cases on our own).

and then come the exams. thinking about all of this earlier this evening, i was really about ready to drop out of school. it really was a horrible scene. i was sitting naked on the floor of my dorm room, covering my legs with bits stale hotdog buns. my window was wide open, and the cold evening wind was whipping all around me. you see, there was this really sexy little pigeon that had been hanging around my window sill, and i was trying to lure her inside for a little bit of avian anal exploration. alas, she flew away, leaving me sitting there like an idiot, covered in crumbs, shivering and lonely.

looking for solace, i turned to josh dressler's seminal work on criminal law. hoping to find a case that would lift my spirits. instead, i found midgett v. state, which was pretty much the worst thing i have ever read. i couldn't go on to finish the readings; instead, i found myself trying to locate this ron midgett of arkansas on the internet, but to no avail. i really hope that he met a slow and humiliating demise at the business end of a rusty shiv in the bowels of some arkansas penitentiary. i must admit that i found some solace in this thought.

these fantasies were about the warmest and fuzziest moments of my evening, that is until just half an hour ago when i turned on the t.v. to check in with my foster family, the huxtables.

it was as if the gods of nick at night had picked out an episode just for me. theo had received a "D" on an essay for school, and was trying to convince his dad why he should not be punished. his argument went something like this:

"i mean, you're a doctor, dad. and mom is a lawyer. but i don't love you any more because of that! so if i just want to do something normal with my life, then maybe you should accept it and love me because i'm your son."

(i'm thinking, "right on, theo! not everyone is meant to make it as a lawyer...")

then came cliff's response, and it was almost as if he was replying directly to my thoughts.

"theo... that's the dumbest thing i ever heard in my life! no wonder you get D's in everything! you're afraid to try becasue you're afraid your brain is going to explode and ooze out of your ears. now i'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. and you're going to do it because i said so. i am your father. i brought you into this world, and i'll take you out!"

his words had me thinking even as i laughed, thinking about fathers and sons, about ron midgett and ronnie midgett junior, and about the fictitious but perfect TV family on the screen before me.

and as i write this now, i realize that i have no reason to complain. little ronnie midgett, malnourished, bruised, battered, terrified and cut down by his father at the age of eight... he had all the reason in the world, but never had the chance.

yet i'm the one who is feeling sorry for myself.

heathcliff huxtable has a point.

fuck ron midgett sr. fuck the memo due next week. fuck final exams... it's time to buckle down and see if i just can't pass this thing.

tomorrow's another day. before i sign off for the night, here are a couple quick random notes...

• thanks and welcome to the newest people to sign on to this site: "Regina V." (an exceptionally clever name), "Angry Mussivand" (i did your wife too), "atticus finch's scrotum" (that's just plain wrong), and "sexy dead bird" (where were you tonight when i needed you?)
• quickly back on the huxtable tip... i realized tonight that elvin tibideaux's (sondra's hubby) parents were named nelson and winnie! coincidence, or a clear cosby shout out to the mandelas?
• in response to Angry Mussivand's inquiry: "I wonder what your opinion has been on the constant debates about your identity?" i have many opinions on the matter, and will address this issue in the near future.
• finally, and fyi, i actually managed to get a "check" on the rewrite of my memo, so maybe all is not lost just yet.

thanks for reading.

-menlove