careena collins & the bologna pony

i'm a bit delirious right now, having spent all evening slogging through the fifty or so pages of reading for tomorrow's civ pro class.

don't you just love it when, on the eighth page of a case, the judge writes, "We need not wax longiloquent"?

first of all, i've checked the dictionary, and "longiloquent" is not even a word. still, i think that i know what it means, which leads me to this question:

why can't they stop waxing longiloquent on page one instead of page eight?

anyway, on to the business at hand. the responses to yesterday's blog were wonderful. first, i have to give props and thanks to "absent bargee" for his/her totally ass-kicking poem. not only was it a nice synopsis of the semester (you brought up some highlights that i had forgotten), but it was a really good poem to boot!

it makes me glad to know that menlovian has been a positive part of the semester for some of you guys. although i've been accused of having an ulterior motive, really the only reason i spend so much time on this thing is because i think that law school pretty much sucks, and i want to do my part to make it less crappy for all of you. of course, my motives are not purely unselfish, as i actually have a lot of fun writing this silliness, and these entries serve as a nice reprieve from the ongoing tedium.

anyway, my point is to say thank you, absent bargee, for your kind words an hilarious rhymes.

speaking of my wonderful readers...

i can't believe that someone wants to share their torts outline with me!

THANK YOU! though i don't know who you are, this act of kindness may actually help me to avoid failing out of school at the end of the semester. in other words, if your friend menlove and his stupid blog are still around for second semester, it'll be partly your doing.

i don't know if you believe in karma, but i do, and i know that this act of kindness on your part will surely be returned.

you can send your outline to menloveBLS@hotmail.com

i assure you that i will not dilute its power by disseminating it to anyone else. thank you again!

i'll keep that email box open for awhile. if anyone else wants to send me any love mail / hate mail / feedback / blog topic requests /death threats / outlines (for those in need of a karma boost) / homemade pornography, feel free to do so at the address above.

oh yeah, i forgot to mention to my torts hero, thank you for not making me have to give you the "bologna pony" in return.

your use of that tasteful and scientifically-accurate phrase brought me back to a long-neglected memory from my childhood.

i grew up in the long beach area, and i had a buddy named cesar (but for some reason everyone - including his mother - called him "sizzle"). he used the phrase bologna pony all the time.

so it got me thinking about sizzle, how i've not seen him or thought of him in many years (he moved away before we graduated high school). anyway, sizzle was my friend who always corrupted me somewhat. whenever i was doing something bad for the first time, sizzle was there showing me the way.

it was with my little homie sizzle that i first dared to shoplift, to smoke cigarettes, to "visit" construction sites in the middle fo the night, and so on.

however, as great and as influential as the kid was, the reason why sizzle's spirit endures today is because he corrupted me in a really important way:

he got his hands on the first porno that i ever saw.

i think that most guys remember the first time that they saw filmed fornication, and the wonderful way that it made them feel. as you can imagine, it was a very special moment for me.

the tape sizzle showed me was called "careena collins greatest hits", and it was a collection of scenes by some porn star named - you guessed it - careena collins.

anyway, the movie changed my life in an instant. it was as if everything suddenly made sense to me.

thanks to careena collins, i had a purpose in life.

my first priority was to find a way to get a copy of this treasure so that i could enjoy it in the privacy of my own home. the problem was that both sizzle's family and my family each had only one vcr. plus, as a thirteen-year-old, i had very little unsupervised time to enjoy these types of movies, much less spend two hours hooking up vcr's and dubbing them.

the solution involved me skipping school for the first time ever. the story is too long to recall here, but in a nutshell, i hid in the hills behind my house rather than go to school one morning. after both of my parents and cesar's mom had gone to work, i went to his house and tried to find the key he was supposed to have left for me under a potted plant.

unfortunately, sizzle had fucked up and the key wasn't there.

obviously, this is not the end of the story. it takes a lot more than a missing key to keep a 13 year old truant from his pornography.

so, in a rapid series of tortious and criminal conduct, i found an open window, slid into sizzle's house, and walked calmly through the front door two minutes later with his mother's vcr under my arm, and scurried quickly back to my house.

needless to say, i had never hooked up two vcr's to a single tv before, and it took me until the early afternoon before i had things set up correctly. by the time it the dub was complete, i had about fifteen minutes before sizzle's mom came home.

fortunately, sizzle had come by after school and was there to sprint home with his vcr the moment i was done recording. he was a good friend.

unfortunately, i left the tape in our vcr less than a week later, where it was found by one or both of my parents.

(this is a different story altogether, though you can imagine that i had some explaining to do when they saw that their vhs taped which was clearly labeled "Halloween 1991" now contained some extremely graphic triple-x action.)

why am i recalling all of this today? well obviously it's because i'm procrastinating before i start the con law reading. but more importantly, it's because your use of the phrase "bologna pony" got me thinking about sizzle, and also about careena collins, and made me wonder, "where are they now?"

i have been unable to find anything about my old friend cesar online, but apparantly there is a wealth of info to be found out there about careena collins.

for instance, at http://adult-pornstar-mall.com/pornlist/starpgs/Careena_Collins.htm, there is some really great biographical information about her (as well as a pic), which i've excerpted below. strangely enough, it all relates back to the study of law! check it out:

"Porn Star Careena Collins is a petite brunette beauty who has enjoyed a pair of stints in the hardcore business. In between, she went to college and earned a law degree (emphasis added). Not your typical porno strumpet, eh? Well, Careena Collins Stands out from most of her pulse-pounding peers in many ways and has one of the most devoted fan followings of any hardcore star. With her drop-dead gorgeous good looks and always-scrumptious little 5'3" figure, Careena Collins exudes an irresistible sexual allure that only seems to grow stronger with each new flick. A dazzling deep throat specialist, she continues to be one of the hottest performers in hardcore..."

"In 1987, Careena left the porno scene for the school scene. She spent the next seven years pursuing her education and ended up with the aforementioned law degree. In the end, though, Careena found that she preferred the wanton world of hardcore sex to the no-ethics world of weaselly lawyers. She leapt back into the porno fray in 1994, startling long-time fans with a newfound nasty streak. In fact, since her return Careena Collins has been one of the most voracious vixens in all of porn..."

now, i don't mean to wax longiloquent here, so let me just make a few observations...

first, how great is it that careena collins found it more ethically palatable to allow herself filmed having anal sex than to work in the "not-ethics world of weaselly lawyers"?

i mean, let's look at careena's track record here. this is a woman who has always treaded on moral high ground by acting in films such as:

• "Blowjob Queens from Hell"
• "White Bitches in Heat"
• "Ramb-Ohh"
• "Mad Jack Beyond Thunderbone"
• "Sodomania Slop Shots"
• "Butt Banged Naughty Nurses"

as well as my personal favorite, "Meat Pushin' in the Seat Cushion #3".

(no, i don't know these titles from memory. careena's entire filmography can be viewed at adultfilmdatabase.com)

anyway, i don't mean to make anyone feel to weaselly, but it looks like that's exactly what we are. regardless, it's good to know that if the whole lawyering thing doesn't work out for me, perhaps i'll be able to find some opportunities in the wanton world of hardcore sex.

talk to you all again soon.

-menlove