white stripes

our first exam is in three weeks. fuck me in the goat ass. here's the issue: i don't know anything about crim, yet in 21 days i'll be sweating my way through the exam.

i've been feeling a creeping and increasing dread with every passing day as the clock ticks down to zero hour. i can't focus. i can't sleep. when i do sleep, the evil monkey who lives in my room tries to kill me.



i don't even derive any pleasure anymore from covering myself in bread crumbs.

here's what it boils down to:

i haven't learned anything in law school except for the word mandamus and the location of all the best crappers.

i don't have any study aids except for the helicopter game.

my notes look like they were dictated by chewbacca.

the only outline any 2L has given me is for contracts, and i don't even take that until next semester. plus, the guy who wrote it is a menlove as well.

my GPA going into finals is a mid-C, based on the scores we've received in civ pro and writing class, so i'm nowhere near even the middle of the curve.

in short, i'm fucked. basically, i have to learn three month's worth of material in three weeks.

desperate times call for desperate measures. i'm not giving up hope just yet. i think that i still may have a way out of this mess. it'll be a lot of work, yes, but i may reach new levels of scholarship and jurisprudencial understanding in the process. what i'm planning to do is a bold and unprecedented approach to the study of law. yet i believe that if all goes as planned, i may do well enough to stick around long enough to actually be able to use that contracts outline in 2005.

my solution:

temporary cocaine addiction.

you heard me right. i remember seeing around school these magazines with a cover story that asked, "Are Your Classmates Stoned?" and thinking, why the fuck would anyone want to come to law school stoned? tony would totally blow your mind and all, but how could you follow the discussion? and what if you got socraticized??? just wouldn't work for me.

but it seems that a short-term cocaine habit would be absolutely perfect. i could put in twenty hour work days, hardly needing to sleep at all. i'd be able to participate in class, or at least to follow what the smart kids are saying. i'd even start making some friends because i'd suddenly be the wittiest and most energetic 1L in our section.

in other words, tons of benefits with hardly any downside.


the new and improved menlove

the great experiment starts tomorrow morning at 830 a.m. i'll let you know how it goes. also, if any of you have conducted similar experiments in the past and have any words of wisdom to impart to me, i'd be much obliged.

in other news, i'd like to say hello and welcome to "fact-finder." thanks for the valuable info on the laparotomy pads. what we still need are some suggestions on a fitting gift for professor pitler, so all you geniuses out there, get on it!