white stripes
our first exam is in three weeks. fuck me in the goat ass. here's the issue: i don't know anything about crim, yet in 21 days i'll be sweating my way through the exam.
i've been feeling a creeping and increasing dread with every passing day as the clock ticks down to zero hour. i can't focus. i can't sleep. when i do sleep, the evil monkey who lives in my room tries to kill me.
i don't even derive any pleasure anymore from covering myself in bread crumbs.
here's what it boils down to:
i haven't learned anything in law school except for the word mandamus and the location of all the best crappers.
i don't have any study aids except for the helicopter game.
my notes look like they were dictated by chewbacca.
the only outline any 2L has given me is for contracts, and i don't even take that until next semester. plus, the guy who wrote it is a menlove as well.
my GPA going into finals is a mid-C, based on the scores we've received in civ pro and writing class, so i'm nowhere near even the middle of the curve.
in short, i'm fucked. basically, i have to learn three month's worth of material in three weeks.
desperate times call for desperate measures. i'm not giving up hope just yet. i think that i still may have a way out of this mess. it'll be a lot of work, yes, but i may reach new levels of scholarship and jurisprudencial understanding in the process. what i'm planning to do is a bold and unprecedented approach to the study of law. yet i believe that if all goes as planned, i may do well enough to stick around long enough to actually be able to use that contracts outline in 2005.
my solution:
temporary cocaine addiction.
you heard me right. i remember seeing around school these magazines with a cover story that asked, "Are Your Classmates Stoned?" and thinking, why the fuck would anyone want to come to law school stoned? tony would totally blow your mind and all, but how could you follow the discussion? and what if you got socraticized??? just wouldn't work for me.
but it seems that a short-term cocaine habit would be absolutely perfect. i could put in twenty hour work days, hardly needing to sleep at all. i'd be able to participate in class, or at least to follow what the smart kids are saying. i'd even start making some friends because i'd suddenly be the wittiest and most energetic 1L in our section.
in other words, tons of benefits with hardly any downside.
the new and improved menlove
the great experiment starts tomorrow morning at 830 a.m. i'll let you know how it goes. also, if any of you have conducted similar experiments in the past and have any words of wisdom to impart to me, i'd be much obliged.
in other news, i'd like to say hello and welcome to "fact-finder." thanks for the valuable info on the laparotomy pads. what we still need are some suggestions on a fitting gift for professor pitler, so all you geniuses out there, get on it!
7 Comments:
hey! I most definitely posted my crim exam for y'all and I most definitely got an A with Bobby P so chill out dude- his exam is the easiest not for those who study hard but for those with the best imagination. Which you of so most definitely have. So read understanding crim and do a little dance for dressler and get ready to write your little buttons off.
and calm the fudd down.
2L
Menlove: I'm here to help. First of all, it is very important that you stay hydrated, so remember to drink lots of water. Second, I would suggest limiting yourself to three- or four-day binges otherwise malnutrition will begin to affect your studies. Third, if you don't smoke, chew gum or something to keep your mouth busy. Otherwise you will be calling your ex at 4 a.m. Finally, and most importantly, stay away from strip clubs. You know why.
Children of the Corn!!
I have located us 1 Laparotomy Pad (18" x 18" - as in the case). I just happen to mention it to my friends in the business (doctors and nurses) and believe it or not one of my psyho friends happens to keep them around the house. Apparently they are great for cleaning. I should have it in my possession tomorrow night. Who ever wants to be the front man (or woman) on this can talk to me tomorrow.
Tom Hunter
Theobald, I don't understand what you mean by "Forget coke, I need a different kind of blow."
Please explain.
i thought id spell it out since i am in a bad mood, forget coke, cocaine, also known as blow, i need another kind of blow, as in the job, the sucking of the penis. have a nice night. in other words fuck drugs, and suck my dick
Bobby Boucher: "My Mama says that alligators are
ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush."
Sorry you're feeling ornery, Theobald. Maybe you could try sucking your own dick.
OMG...Helicopter is awesome!!!
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