swarthy bootstrapping eunuchs

hey kids... sorry it's been a few days since written anything. i've been completely bogged down in studying for the civil procedure midterm, which really was a horrible way to spend the weekend. i really have not been able to retain any information in civ pro this semester. i do remember that on the first day of class, professor hunter told us that "he who controls the procedure controls the trial," or something to that effect. well that just makes me feel horrible. i can't even understand the procedure, much less control it. when it comes time for the midterm, i'll be lucky if i can even control my bladder.

what procedural issues are raised by menlove wetting himself during the midterm?

it's not always easy dwelling so far to the left end of the bell curve. just last week, i thought that i'd done really well on the blue book quiz with my score of 74 - or that i'd at least done average. turns out that my classmates had an average of something like a 90! therefore, my "average" score was purely menlovian.

i'm almost at the point where i'm wondering if i shouldn't just stop studying altogether, and accept the fact that i've only got about a month left of being a law student.

i mean, can you imagine how embarrassing it will be to have to go through life with the stigma of being a law school dropout? has anyone ever made anything of themselves after dropping out of law school? i don't think i'll be able to bear the shame of constantly having to explain to people how i was too stupid to even last one semester, how i wet myself in class, how i spent all three hours of the con law exam discussing the word mandamus. how will i show my face to any of you, or to my friends or family?

basically, my only viable option at that point will be to cut off my testicles and seek some sort of monastic sanctuary with the kasha varnishka band of eunuchs who inhabit pico de aneto in the pyrenees . as you all go on to earn A's in contracts and property, and to write for the law review, i will spend my days tending to the gelding beasts of burden, massaging a soothing balm into their tired hoary hooves, and in the evenings i will make cheese.

so at least i've got that going for me.

in the meantime, i'm glad that i've got all of you here to keep me company on my meteoric descent into the deepest bowels of humiliation and regret. specifically, i'm glad that "Mrs. Pugach" and "Darby_Bootstrap" are here with us. thanks for logging in dudes! by the way... what does it mean when someone talks about a "bootstrap" or a "bootstrapping" argument? i've heard sebok say this from time to time in torts.

speaking of the big bokker, i was checking out the reviews of his books on amazon.com, and i came across something that, frankly, pissed me off a bit.

evidently, sebok wrote a book called Legal Positivism in American Jurisprudence, part of the Cambridge Studies in Philosophy and Law series (an excellent collection; i've long enjoyed the entire cambridge studies library...). though i haven't read this particular book, i can only assume that it is a brilliant refutation of the tenets of legal negativism.

what bothered me though was the following review that someone posted about his book:

"Tony Sebok is no longer the 'swarthy young intelectual' from Brooklyn. He may now take his rightful place among the well respected names in contemporay jurisprudence. To Posner, Calabresi and Unger, we may now add Sebok." (emphasis added)

"swarthy young intellectual"??? swarthy? did he say swarthy? where the fuck does someone get the nerve to call T-bone "swarthy"?

now, i have to admit that i don't actually know what swarthy means. but to me it sounds like a way of saying that someone is covered in like a swarm of bugs, or like he's got a bunch of warts or something. it doesn't sound good.

i don't like it, and i'm not going to stand for it. not on my watch.

ok, granted, we can now add sebok to posner, calabresi and unger. i definitely agree with this part of the review. posner, calabresi and unger are my boys. especially unger. that kid is crazy! me and him used to kick it together at the compton swap-meet. damn, that dude could spit some game.

but if i ever found out who called my boy T swarthy, i'll be gettin' all depraved-heart on that ass.

***
ok, so it's getting late and i'm getting stupid. i still can't believe that people read this garbage.

let me wrap it up with a final note, a little contest for all my menlovian brothers and sisters in the room:

when you've got a moment, go to the amazon page for Tort Law: R&R by sebok, zipursky and goldberg. here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0735526206/qid=1099285163/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-9078004-0568657?v=glance&s=books

you'll see that the book has already received one five-star review. clearly, it's a five-star work, yet i'd like to see more than a lot more reviews than just this one.

here's the deal... i want to see who can write the most amusing book review. that is the only criterion: it has to amuse your friend menlove.

contest rules:

• you've got to give the book five stars in your review.
• you should review it with your menlovian nickname so that i can pick a winner.
• there are many different ways to amuse me. be creative.
• finally, it'll have to pass amazon's editorial standards in order for them to publish it. you should check out those standards before you write: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/books/0735526206/customer-review-guidelines/103-9078004-0568657

naturally, i would suggest that you complete this activity between 9:37 and 10:52 on either monday or wednesday morning.

-menlove