bad eggs, bad meat, bad women

i just consulted the newest version of the US News & World Report law school rankings. good news.... we've moved down to 67! way to go everyone! at this rate, next year we should be able to slide down to tier III, and by the time we graduate, if we're lucky, we can probably lose our status as an ABA-approved school altogether.

which schools have now surpassed our beloved BLS in the rankings? let's take a look...

#63 - illinois institute of technology... this is a school where people learn to repair vcr's.
#64 - indiana university - indianapolis campus... the bloomigton campus' retarded step-brother.

hell, we're now just one spot ahead of rutgers.

Rutgers!

anyway, sorry to complain, but it just pisses me off. maybe you all should stop reading the worthless garbage i'm putting out into the world, and get back to studying, so that you can land a halfway decent job, and move us back up the list.

on an entirely different note, i had hellerstein again today. i did a great job of paying attention for approximately 30 minutes. unfortunately, con law is 110 minutes long. i haven't a clue as to what's going on in there. evidently, there have been a lot of cases regarding the commerce clause, and many of them found their way into our textbook. what i pretty much learned is that there was some bad meat, and some bad eggs, a chicken that got sick, and some hookers who were being transported across state lines. congress had something to say about all of this, and then of course the court said something as well, or perhaps they said many things. and what does it all mean? in a word, AFFECTATION. in two words, i don't know.

what i DID learn in class is that back in the day, hellastein used to roll in the bronx with his two little homeboys: moon and stewie. moon's dad was a cabbie, and stewie's dad was a token-taker for the MTA, but the best news of all is that each of them had previously received a law degree from... that's right... BLS!

hella also told us a great story about this girl he used to date, and how she was getting dressed before a date, so he had to chill with his date's dad while she got ready. here's his tale, to the best of my memory:

"so i'm standing there with her dad, waiting for her, and he says to me, 'so i hear you're going to law school.'

'that's right,' i said.

'you ever hear of the sick chicken case?' he asks me. i had taken a political science class about the supreme court, so i say, 'sure, that's schechter poultry.'

'i work for them,' he says, 'i pluck the chickens.'

'great,' i said, 'get me a beer.'"


it was a great story with a typically-great hellerstein delivery. i laughed, but now that i write about it, i sort of feel bad for his date's dad. i mean, here's this poor slob. his job is to rip feathers out of screaming chickens. even worse, he works for this schechter character, who doesn't even have the decency to pay a fair wage, and who works his men an insane amount of hours.

so he gets home from a long day of work, covered in chickenshit, and riddled with beak-pecks, and who shows up at his door, but that goddam kid hellerstein who's off to harvard law school, but before he goes, he's going to bang your daughter, and he has the nerve to tell you to get him a beer.

classic.

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