beryl jones: the drinking game!

ah, property class... what a wonderfully wacky way to start off the week.

it's pretty obvious that professor jones has supplanted sebok as this semester's most colorful character in front of the classroom. think about it...

the name games. the celebrity references. the scattershot lecture style. the kosher dessert trays. i mean, where else at BLS are you going to find this level of excitement and unpredictability on a weekly basis?

so in honor of this infinitely intriguing professor, and in the spirit of wanton, public, pre-lunch intoxication, it is time for another drinking game.

you all know the rules: get yourself a nice 40 oz. malted beverage, a bottle of scotch, or perhaps a quart of your favorite mixed drink. the game starts when jones starts lecturing (often while the class is still talking) and it ends when she dismisses class, you pass out, or urinate in your pants, whichever happens first.

the following list shows the "berylesque" (berylian?) behavior you're looking for, and the resulting action on your part... have fun!

• if she hands you a "slower" sign before class... drink one
• every time someone actually uses the "slower" sign... drink one
• whenever she plays any variation of the name game (such as doing that whole "are there any other williams / willamenas / wilburs" thing, or calls out names to test herself during break)... drink two
• if she says the word" microphone"... drink one
• if she says "yes, no, maybe so"... smile & drink two
• when she mentions "brad pitts"... try not to laugh out loud, and drink three
• every time she says, "i can't believe nobody..." (as in "i can't believe nobody was an art history major," or "i can't believe nobody knows latin")... shake your head incredulously and drink two
• whenever she quotes from "the love song of j. alfred prufrock"... drink two, while talking of michelangelo
• when she refers to durkenminier & krier as "stubborn old men"... drink one
• if she chides a late-comer for crossing in front of her instead of walking around the long way... drink one
• every time a late-comer walks in front of her, and she says nothing... drink two
• if she begins slicing coffee cake while lecturing... lick your chops and drink one
• whenever she moves that chair off of the podium area... drink one if she moves it off with ease, drink two if it requires several awkward grunts and pushes, and if the chair happens to wrestle her to the ground, stop drinking, put down your beer, and go help out your professor, asshole!
• whenever she's stumped by a question, and says that she'll answer it on monday... toast the person who baffled her, and drink three.
• when discussing a case, if ever she is unable to pronounce the name of one the parties (e.g., popov, hayashi, or vealencis), and asks the class for help, drink one
• if she fiddles nervously with a zipper or rubberband, drink continuously until she stops
• when she analogizes the instant case to an anecdote about her daughters or husband, drink two, then call your mom after class and tell her you love her
• if she mentions that she's "been teaching forever," "doing these same cases for years," or that "this stuff bores me," drink until the pain goes away
• every time beryl breaks out one of her ballet moves (this includes when she kicks a leg up and does a spinning 180 degree turn, or when she holds the podium with one hand, and leans out over the step, and kicks her leg out repeatedly as if she's warming up for her recital)... drink two while doing a demi plie
• if she's wearing any color aside from black... drink five as soon as she enters the room
• if ever she wears her hair down... drink seventy, then start braiding the hair of the person sitting in front of you

much love goes out to professor jones for inspiring this silly game. have fun everyone! i may have left a few rules out. if anyone thinks of any others, please post them here. cheers!

-menlove

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