2-4-6-0-1

Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on

Who am I?
Who am I?



I'm JEAN VALJEAN!!!

***

property was pretty fun today. beryl spoke aproximately 60,000 words. of those, i was able to comprehend the following 38:

"can you please close the door be back at five after twelve ok i'll give this side a break just be ready next time this is what professors do when they don't know the answer see you wednesday. "

if any of you missed any of that during class, feel free to copy and paste the above paragraph into your notes.

the remaining 59,962 words were just a big blur of chalkdust, wild gestures, and a particularly exasperated brand of turbo-dictation. beryl is often a pretty good teacher. but recently, she's been so scattered and erratic, i basically haven't had a clue what's been going on in class. i do the homework, i review my notes before class begins, but once the clock hits 11:00, it's like being in the midst of a tornado.

a crack-addicted tornado that's having an epileptic seizure while falling down a flight of stairs.

maybe it's just me, and i'm having trouble keeping up with the rapid pace of the class. i'll be the first to admit that i'm not the sharpest needle in the hayrick. but when a professor is dealing with a roomful of (for the most part) very smart people, and ten students in a row are unable to answer (or even understand) her questions, then we've got a problem.

oh well. hopefully wednesday will be a bit better.

***

let's do some quick reader mail...

***

"Altered Ego" asks: "yo gentle EM, question...how much has your reading habits changed since september? you take notes while reading on computer? you take notes while reading? you highlight? or you just down to where i'm at...no pen, no marker, straight huck finn style"

menlove replies: it's not so much of a "huck finn" style as it is a "hustler" style. by "hustler style," i mean that i keep my law school books hidden in my sock drawer, and only read them late at night with a flashlight under the covers, usually while flogging my dicta.

***

"anonymous" writes: "My last post was ignored (how convienient) that I think Menlove is Mark..."

menlove replies: oh, you felt ignored, huh? life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

(no insult intended. i just like to quote from the big lebowski. it's one of the several things i do to make you think that i'm mark.)

***

in a similar vein, "anonymous" writes: "Seriously, menlove. It's only a matter of time. I, for one, am rooting for you to hold out as long as possible in revealing your identity. I think it would be fantastic if you managed to ride out the year. Next year it's going to be impossible though. Someone will triangulate who you are from the classes you take. But I'm still rooting for your anonymity."

menlove replies: i believe that i'll make it to the end of this year with no problems. everyone pretty much keeps on getting further (or is it farther?) from figuring my shit out. most of you aren't even looking in the right half of the room... perhaps you should apply some sort of intermediate-level scrutiny to your gender-based classifications.

regarding next year, i agree that keeping my identity will be impossible.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again right now: menlovian will be concluding in just about two months, so enjoy it while it lasts. it takes too much energy and secrecy to keep this thing going. i love doing it, and it's something that i'm proud of and that i'm glad i've created, but it's just a 1L thing for me. i've got other plans for the next two years.

in terms of my identity... i'm glad that most of you are rooting for my anonymity. one of the first things that anyone ever posted on my message boards was that i should "keep it anonymous... it wouldn't work otherwise," or something to that effect. i believe this as well.

and as i've said before, i have absolutely zero interest in going public with my identity. another thing i've mentioned before is that i started writing menlovian for the sake of my own sanity, to keep myself distracted from how much i hated law school. after awhile, i realized that i was writing for a second reason: i saw that a few people were actually enjoying my idiotic little piece of the blogosphere, and this gave me a bit of quiet satisfaction as well. i like doing things for my friends in general, and i generally consider most of section 9 and section 8 to be my pals.

although, there is one final thing i've alluded to before, and i'll spell it out in black and white today... a couple people used to send emails to me, offering me various amounts of cash or sexual favors in exchange for my identity. this got me thinking that if enough people care that much about knowing who i am, then perhaps i could turn this curiosity into something bigger and more purposeful than i'd realized.

so here's the deal...

in the weeks ahead, i will be choosing a charity that matters to me. i will set a fundraising goal that is just at the edge of reasonability (reasonableness?), meaning that it will be very hard, but not impossible to attain. anyone who cares to know my identity (or who simply believes in the cause that i choose) can make a "pledge" to donate whatever amount they want towards the goal that i set. pledges will be sent via email, from BLS accounts to my anonymous menlovian mailbox. you'll get to choose whether or not you want me to post your name and your donation amount on menlovian. i'll keep everyone posted on how close we're getting to our fundraising goal.

if we fall even one dollar short, i will not be collecting donations from anyone. the whole thing will be off. i'll write a brief farewell and thank you to all of you, then i'll disappear like a fart in the wind. the only people who will ever know who i am will be me (obviously), and my lovely PSM.

however, if we meet or exceed the goal that i set, i will collect everyone's donations in a rapid and organized fashion, and will send our big donation in one lump sum to the worthy charity of my choosing. the donation will be made on behalf of BLS, not in my name or in any individual's name. i will also make available to everyone proof of our donation, so you can be sure that i'm not running any kind of scam here (though i'd imagine that by now, you know that i'm not the kind of guy who would pull any fraudulent shit like that on my friends).

finally, if we reach this goal, instead of publishing a simple goodbye / thank you note, i will publish a final exclamation-point-of-an-entry that will curl your teeth and make your clitorides explode. (yes, the plural of clitoris is clitorides, not clitora or clitorises. i looked it up.) and if you don't have a clitoris, this final menlovian entry will actually cause clitorides to grow all over your body, and as they grow they will rub against each other, causing a clitoridectal orgasmic explosion of biblical proportions.

not only will i reveal my identity in this final blog, but i will tell you how i created it, and how i spread the word about it during those early days of september. in it, i will come clean about all of the subterfuge and sneakiness i employed to maintain my anonymity, let you know where i've been honest and where i've mislead you, and will congratulate the people who have come closest to piercing my (corporate?) veil. all will be revealed, and in the process, we'll do something really, really good for people who would truly benefit from our generosity.

so there you have it. let me know what you think.