moot means irrelevant, right?

i'm glad that you guys liked my rehnquist story from last time. thanks for the compliments, especially to the person who complimented me ten times. maybe someday i'll write a story that doesn't involve any sort of talking donkeys, overflowing toilets, dubbing of pornographic videos, or NAMBLA... though i doubt it.

also, thanks and mad props go out to "amused older bro" who dropped some major knowledge on all of our pathetic, puny little asses. i don't think that any other posting on any other message board this year made me feel quite so "o.k." about this whole process.

who is the lucky younger sibling of this amused older bro, i wonder?

i'm glad that the whole late-to-class debate is subsiding because, honestly, it was boring the hell out of me. someone asked for my opinion on the matter, so here you go:

i don't care. i don't notice so much when people come to school late. if i do, it doesn't bother me to have something to look at for five seconds. i'm not really that uptight. if it really bothers you (as it clearly does, to some of you at least), i'd suggest that rather than coming on here and calling people names like "stampy" anonymously, why not just approach the person like an adult after class and let them know that their continued disruptions are making it difficult for you to concentrate?

i've found that most people are rational adults who respond very well to civil, reasonable criticism. if they refuse to cooperate, then you can come on here and start the name-calling.

on a related note, wasn't "stampy" bart's elephant's name on the simpsons?



yes, i believe that it was.

anyhow, if someone coming in late like that really makes you angry, i'd suggest that you find someone to have sex with. in my experience, i've found that sex (the physical act of love. coitus.) makes me care a lot less about all of the thousands of potentially-annoying people and things in the world.

speaking of sex, whatever happened to that dude theobald? did he finally get some trim, or what? theobald, fill us in, brother!

ok, so it's back to the normal grind this week. i feel tremendously relieved to have the moot court tryout behind me. for those of you who care about what goes on in my life, you won't be surprised to hear that i totally bombed both my opening statement and my cross-x. it was a total debacle.

i mentioned last week that my opponent was very smart, but i had no idea that she would be so friggin' prepared for the thing as well. as she was giving her opening statement, i knew that i was fucked, as she had the whole thing completely memorized, and also employed a variety of gestures, eye contact, and so on.

i, on the other hand, pretty much stammered and stuttered throughout the whole thing. the only gesture i made was to continually check to make sure that my suit jacket was still buttoned. i don't know why i kept doing it, but i couldn't help it. it was as if i thought that the butterflies in my stomach were going to push so hard against it that it would just pop off or something. the bottom line is that every ten seconds or so, my hand was touching my button. the judge guy cut me off before i was even finished with my opening, but i was relieved to have a break.

my oppenent then proceeded to pull off an amazing cross-x. she basically had everything from the packet completely memorized, and was able to make the witness look like a miserable lying fuck.

so then i got up there. by this point, i was pretty much ready to surrender, but i went through with it anyway. it was a miserable experience. every time the witness lied to me, i stood there, completely stupefied. i couldn't get any kind of rhythm going to my questions at all. at one point, i think i even caught two of the judges looking at each other and laughing at me.

but the worst thing was that my opponent kept on making objections throughout my whole thing. i didn't even know that we were allowed to do this, since no one from moot court had bothered to mention it in the packet they gave us. so whenever i managed to get a decent question out of my mouth, she was there to complain about it! i was so flustered and upset. the worst thing was that every time she objected, the judge guy kept looking at me and saying, "counselor, your response?"

now i didn't have a fucking clue how to respond. the only line that kept popping into my head was "point of parliamentary procedure," which i think was what otter said in animal house.

the bottom line is that i turned in - what else? - a totally menlovian effort, and there is absolutely NO chance that i'll be on the trial ad team. couple that with the fact that my brief grade pretty much rules out any chace of me making the other moot court team, and that makes me a two-time loser. and add to that the fact that my grades make it pretty much impossible for me to get onto any of the law reviews, and that makes it strike three against ol' menlove.

all i can really do now is hope that "amused older bro" knows what he's talking about.