the year in pictures

menlovian edit: the website i credited for providing some of the pics in this article got mad at me for using them, so i removed them. therefore, there's really no point in reading this article.

we're now officially entering into the home stretch, and it's times like these that always make me feel like looking back and reflecting. perhaps this is because the prospect at looking at what's ahead is absolutely terrifying.

anyway, it's been a wild and memorable year, to say the least. here's what i remember. the moments recorded below are the indelible images burned into my mind from the last seven months of the school year. perhaps some of you have experienced the year slightly differently than i have; regardless, i'd imagine that at least a few of you may know where i'm coming from.

(warning: the following entry contains violent and sexual images. proceed with reasonable caution.)

so without further ado, here it is:

the year (so far) in pictures



getting ready for the first day of orientation! feeling good. excited. nothing to fear.



in fact, feeling a bit confident... cocky... i'm going to be great at this! i mean, after all, i got almost all A's during my last semester of senior year! this won't be so tough. i'm going to be on law review! no, i'm going to edit the law review! you smell that? do you smell that? ...napalm, son. nothing else in the world smells like that. i love the smell of napalm in the morning. i feel good...



relaxed...



confident.

but then you get to the first day of class, and it hits you...



some of these here fuckers are pretty smart.



so you stay in the library until your head spins, but can't avoid the fact that you are incapable of retaining all of the information. but it's ok... at least you haven't gotten called on yet. until...



lightning strikes! just as you're getting into a torrid sexual fantasy during a sleepy crim law morning, you realize that it's your name coming out of pitler's mouth.

so he begins pounding away at you. the moment it's over, you realize...



i just got fucked, and everybody watched it happen.

but you shrug it off, and work even harder. besides...



exams are still pretty far away.

so you keep cruising along, constantly rationalizing about how next week you'll surely have time to start outlining, to write your brief. but law school is relentless. things start going out of control...



it's just going so fast! i can't catch my breath!

there's no earthly way of knowing
which direction you are going
there's no knowing where you're rowing
or which way the river's flowing.

is it raining? is it snowing?
is a hurricane-a-blowing?

(you won't know. you'll be in the library.)

and the weeks just fly by, until suddenly:

it's december. the exams are upon you.

regular classes are over. it's the night before your first exam, and you have officially lost your mind.

you watch a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. that's your dream. that's your nightmare. crawling, swiftly, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving........

but exams can't be that bad, can they?

you silly fool!

crim law exam: a bloody mess

torts exam: a crippling blow

civ pro: a friggin' marathon

con law: you're not looking so hot anymore.

but it's over. at least it's finally over.

time to blow off some steam. i wonder what the scene's like at that bar everyone's going to?

ah yes, this looks like it will be an affair to remember.

1:43 a.m.: hello, i do believe that we've not spoken all semester.

1:44 a.m.: no, we haven't. i'm menlove. damn that exam sucked.

1:45 a.m.: sure did. perhaps we should sleep together tonight.

1:46 a.m.: i concur.

praise the lord, it's finally winter break. and that's cool, except that you're completely broke, can't get an interview, and it's twelve degrees outside.

and then your exam grades are posted:

total ass fuck.

goodbye, law review...

so long, proud parents...

adios, 125K in 2007!

break is over as soon as it began, and second semester, it happens all over again. the faces are the same. the workload is just as bad. the stress is still constant.

but one thing's different:

you've chaged. something inside you has snapped. there is no more confident, no more afraid, no more relaxed.

there is no feeling at all. you are broken, beaten, a shell of your former self.

you are... in a world... of shit.

***

if you're still procrastinating... here's a contest for menlovian readers: how many of the characters pictured above can you name? and if it's not a picture of a character, what movie or show is it from?

email your answers to menlovebls@hotmail.com. the person who gets the most names correct wins a teeny tiny prize, paid for by old menlove. in case of a tie, the winner will be the person i deem to have the most worth as a human being.

thanks for reading, everyone. i had fun writing it. see you with the dozer...

-menlove