my wonderful classmates - part deux!

full disclosure: the only reason i named this entry "part deux" is because over the last week or two, i've watched pretty much every episode of VH1's "I love the 90's - part deux." great shit. i'm fairly certain that that title is a nod to the seminal film "Hot Shots! - part deux," though i'm not sure.

throughout this week, i'll be revealing your choices for some new wonderful classmates. thanks again to everyone who participated by sending in nominations... we even had some last-minute nominations over this weekend. it's been a tough decision for me, but i've finally narrowed it down to just six.

obviously, if you're not on this list, you may very well still be wonderful yourself, so i hope that no one takes their inclusion or exclusion too personally. i had to choose from a buttload of nominations, so these are just my choices, and my choices are meaningless. keep in mind that this blog is created by an idiot who still can't remember the four elements of a prima facie negligence claim, so just take it for what it's worth, and enjoy!

this time, the descriptions of our classmates will be presented in a sort of "zagat" style. in other words, any words i include in quotes came directly from your posted or emailed nominations. also, both of today's folks happen to be section niners. don't worry, there will be plenty of people spotlighted here this week from other sections.

so here we go, without further ado, and in no particular order... six more of the most wonderful people in our class!


wonderful person #7 : Mark Antar



our most-nominated classmate, receiving no fewer than six distinct nods, mark really is a wonderful person. fans find his "deep voice" "pleasant to listen to," and add that it "commands attention."

while some called him "damn hot" and "easy on the eyes"or commented on his "intriguing hair," more people were impressed with mark's "laid back" and "chill" personality, appreciating his "whiskey-smooth" "stoned vibe." mark has also impressed many of his classmates with his "intriguing" contributions to class discussion, his extensive football knowledge, and his "funny as hell" sense of humor.

"unique and smart," and "always willing to help out a confused friend," he "seems like the type you'd like have a pint with after class." "get to know him if you haven't by now," fans rave, adding that "the dude abides."

so here's to mark, a truly wonderful person in our class!


wonderful person #8 : Andrew Oldis



"oldis kicks ass" seems to be the general word from his classmates. "he sits in the back row in every class" but always manages to "contribute something" that is "pretty damn intelligent." andrew has a way of "challenging the professors" with questions that are "on point and interesting." that he is always "watching some baseball game" or "reading up on espn.com" during class while still "seemingly understanding it all" is a testament to his "big brain."

cited as "fucking hilarious" and "the best guy to talk to when you're down," andrew has won many fans and admirers. "don't be afraid of the whole marshall mathers vibe," because "there's a big teddy bear underneath" the "low brim of his hat." a "hottie with a heart of gold," andrew is the type who "helped me fix my bike when the chain broke off," because he "goes all-out for his friends."

so here's to andrew, an authentically wonderful person!

happy hayrick

damn, this reliance damages stuff is getting confusing. i still have twenty pages of contracts ahead of me this evening, so i'll get right to the point.

i guess i always figured that eventually the profs would catch wind of this piece-of-shit blog, but i am still not happy that it has happened.

what would possess someone to tell our professors about menlovian? i'd imagine that the student who emailed pitler or told schneider was the same one who (in sixth grade) reminded the teacher that she had forgotten to assign that night's homework.

ultimately, however, i'm mad at myself. here's why:

it's true that i haven't said too many mean things about our profs on this blog, largely because i have basically liked all of them very much. i've been a sebok worshiper and a nan fanatic. i've always been a staunch robyn-defender, and though i bust on hella and pitler, i've always apreciated them as well for their sense of humor and the great stories they tell. and so far this semester, gora and jones seem to be fairly cool and interesting, and poser is turning out to be pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread.

and i feel that 95% of menlovian's readers have always been respectful in what they write about our profs because, like me, they tend to like our professors overall. i'm not saying that people here aren't critical - they are, but there's nothing wrong with criticism. what worries me though is the mean-spirited comments, especially those that have surfaced in the last several weeks, particularly as grades have been coming in.

i sense that the vast majority of these vitriolic comments have been written by just a small handful of "anonymous" posters. i know from my conversations with you all both in and out of class that the majority of would never speak so scornfully about any of your classmates or professors.

but a few people have, and a few people still do, and a few of these people post these things on my site. and i have allowed them to do so. though i've preached "kind and gentle hayrick" throughout the five months of this menlovian experiment in terms of how we write about each other, i have allowed some pretty nasty things to be posted about our professors. for this, i am sorry.

what it boils down to is that our professors are part of the hayrick. the civility we extend toward one another should also be extended to them.

pedagogical criticism is fair game. so are good-natured observations about a professor's mannerisms, lecturing style, or personality. and of course, there's nothing wrong with complaining about how assignments and exams. i mean, if not here, where?

but what's not cool are personal attacks on a professor, wishing for a professor's death, or professing hatred for anyone at BLS. i should never have allowed these things to be posted on my blog; from now on, they will be deleted immediately.

***

these three weeks have been pretty much the longest three weeks of school i've ever experienced. fortunately, there's just one more class with poser, and then we can all enjoy what will hopefully be a nice weekend.

on a positive note, a triple-nomination sent to me this morning has brought us to a total of 19 nominations for wonderful people. (that is, 19 different people, four of whom were nominated more than once, for a total of more than 25 nominations!)

thanks to everyone who contributed. i'll be introducing you all to six more of your wonderful classmates throughout next week, starting first thing on monday morning. see you all then.

***

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the difference is clear

those of you who attended property today surely recognize the the title for today's blog. professor jones informed us that at a staff meeting, big tony let everyone know that "the difference is clear" (printed on our BLS water bottles) was, to him, a stupid slogan to put on a bottle of water.

one can't help but wonder what slogan sebok would have suggested had he his druthers in the matter... if anyone has any guesses, you know where to post 'em.

anyhow, this is gonna be super-quick because daddy's got some civ pro to read. i'm going to lay off of the beryl commentary for the next few classes while i put the finishing touches on "beryl jones, the drinking game." however, i have to mention that it is getting to be equal parts amusing and ridiculous how professor jones claims that she is unable to pronounce anyone's names.

jones: "popov? hayashi? am i saying these names correctly?"
kick-ass student response: "you got it!" (as if we know these guys, and are familiar with the pronunciation...)

today, jones admitted that she was unsure as to how to wrap her mouth around the name of this obscure artist whose name was something like vincent van "gaw". good stuff.

ok, let me take care of some business here:

attention alana paull: according to one of our classmates, you may have won the menlovian shenanigan challenge by shouting out for professor jones to slow down, albeit very politely, and perhaps unintentionally. if you believe that you do indeed deserve the prize, email me from your BLS account and i'll get back to you to arrange the "handoff" of the goods! so congrats, or whatever.

i'd also like to respond to two comments from the message board. one reader noted:

"So I've heard a lot of people complain about how hot it is in the Contracts room, but today I definitely saw a positive benefit- everybody wearing less clothing.You know how everybody is bundled up during the winter, so you get excited about seeing the slightest bit of skin? Today there were no fewer than 4 tank tops on girls and 5 tshirts on guys. Nice job people, makes me forget that its the middle of January and its fuckin ten below outside.Your thoughts big M?"

menlove replies: i thank you for your astute observation, dear reader. may i add that in addition to the random flash of skin, one cannot help but appreciate how nice some of our classmates have been looking on the days of their in-school interviews for summer jobs. some of you all really clean up nicely.

another reader asked:

"menlove, would you "come out of the closet" if you were offered fame? we're not talking BLS fame. we're talking real fame? books, newspaper, magazine articles?"

menlove replies: yes, but only so that i could sell my likeness to samsung for their cool-ass futuristic ad campaign, or maybe even to seiko, to help them sell stylin' eyewear to old cats like helladonk.

***

so i've got to sign off now. thanks to those of you who have nominated your wonderful classmates. i have received a total of twelve nominations thus far. this is a good start, but i need at least six more. the onus is on you, dear reader.

menlovian is going on vacation until i receive six or more new nominations. i am tired and i need the rest, so i'm asking for your help in the meantime... if i get all six nominations today, then i'll have a new post ready for you all tomorrow. if it takes all week, that's fine as well. these can be posted anonymously on the discussion board, or emailed to me at the usual spot, menloveBLS@hotmail.com.

i'll leave you with the following bit of wisdom from lionel hutz, attorney at law:

Hutz: No don't you worry Mrs. Simpson, I-Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.

Marge: Is that bad?

Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.

Marge: You did?

Hutz: Well, replace the word “kinda” with the word “repeatedly,” and the word “dog” with “son."

Eds. note: If you're really not in the mood to work, check out this great discussion of "The Law of the Simpsons." http://www.snpp.com/other/articles/lawsimpsons.html

husky

so i'm pretty pissed off because i was at starbucks this afternoon (trying to resist the whole douwe egberts thing), and my property textbook was stolen. i mean think of it - the theft of personal property is frustrating enough, but when that property is itself a book about property, well, the irony is so thick it just makes me want to vomit.

what would be equivalent fates that could befall other textbooks? i imagine that the theft of a property book is akin to someone raping and stabbing a crim book, falsely imprisoning a torts book, or taking sullivan & gunther's magnum opus and, oh i don't know, boring it to death i suppose.

i believe that i will be bringing a conversion claim against starbucks under the doctrine of respondeat superior. while i'm at it, i'll hit 'em with a writ of mandamus, a rule 12(b)(6) motion, and possibly also something involving stare decisis conjunctivitis.

don't fuck with me starbucks! i know the law.

or perhaps not, as evinced by my torts grade. i still love sebok (or should i say, C-minus-bok) (sorry, that was stupid), but this final grade was just one last slap in the face for ol' menlove. well, i'm thankful that they're finally all in. now, armed with my stellar barely-over-2.0 gpa, i'm sure that i'll have to beat the myriad summer job offers off with a stick. or maybe i'll just stick to a job beating off myriad people this summer.

so am i crazy, or did someone actually pull off the menlovian shenanigan by asking jones to slow down today? i was sort of not paying attention, but i think it was done in a really polite manner, i.e., a raised hand and a simple, "can you slow down please?" unfortunately, i was unable to see who it was who spoke up; what's more, i have no idea whether they were actually trying to win the prize i'd offered, or if it was just a regular old concerned student. if anyone has a ruling on this, let me know, and if i owe someone some sort of prize, i'll surely deliver.

con law was pretty much what you'd expect. for some reason, i still think that the class is two hours long. therefore, once the clock hit 2:50, i started getting excited to take our customary break. by 3:00, i was freaking out... finally at ten after, i remembered that it weren't no two credit class no more.

anyhow, aside from that frustration, class was pretty good. the best part was obviously when hella went into the story about the old days at the bakery, and how he had to strap on the "husky" suit when it came time for his "bar mitzver."

(how much money would you all pay to see photos of hella wearing that suit on his bar mitzvah day? that would make my week.)

in other news, it's been amusing being addressed as "M-Dog" and "M-Love" recently on the message board. you guys make me feel so... gangster.

now last night, someone posted what i considered to be one of the funniest messages of the year. i'm talking about the one that included the phrases "so help me anthony sebok," "sundry bedraggled offspring," and "menlove-identity blueballs." that shit genuinely cracked me up, so thanks. i only wish that the author would have signed in so that i could give due props.

in response to that response, you make a persuasive argument, but i hope by now it's been made clear that i'm not in this for the "due adulation of my peers."

(although that does sound intriguing... what would it entail, exactly? case briefs and course outlines from my readers? foot massages during contracts class? autograph sessions in the cafeteria?)

anyway, if i was in this for the glory, i would have employed subtle means to reveal my identity, like putting secret messages in the titles of my entries, or hiding codes in the time and date stamp at the end of each blog, or some stupid shit like that. or i would have just told people that i was menlove already.

but i haven't done any of that. instead, i've added about sixty layers of subterfuge to this thing. i have allies who remember the funny quotes from classes so that i won't get caught transcribing them, and allies who tell me what goes on in class when i'm out sick. some of them actually assist me without even knowing it. all of my writing takes place outside of school, on a computer that no one else has access to. i'll never be caught reading menlove in school, and when people tell me about my blog, i act like i don't even read it. even if someone did figure out who i was, they still would not realize who i was. to keep the dogs off of my foxy scent, much of what i write is infused with a healthy dose of bullshit; in fact, this entire paragraph may itself be complete and utter bullshit. and although i was accused of being menlove last semester, and perhaps i'll be suspected again in the future, i'll never fess up.

hahahahahaahaa!

whoa, sorry about that evil genius mode i just went into. the point is that i value my anonymity, and the idea of adulation is less than agreeable to me. as i've said before, i just write this crap for fun, to keep myself distracted from the whole "all stick, no carrot" scenario, and also because it makes me happy to think that menlovian makes some of you guys happy.

really the only way that i'd ever come out of the menlovian closet would be if it meant that something really good would come of it. i mean something really good, something that actually mattered.

for instance, if our whole menlovian family got together and gave a shitload of money to charity on behalf of BLS in order to fight AIDS in africa or something like that, then i would come out. or if someone convinced careena collins to spend the next three years living in a cage under my bed, being let out only to work as my personal chef, housekeeper and concubine, i'd be out in a jiffy.

so i've got to hit the books again, but there's still one final note:

thank you goes out to the reader who suggested that an anonymous system of nominations for our wonderful classmates might be a better alternative. so far, i've only gotten about 6 nominations, and two of those are for the same person.

therefore, feel free to nominate someone anonymously.

this can be done in a couple of different ways. you could simply post your nomination anonymously here on the message board. the other alternative is to just use a non-BLS email address, or even make up a new account (which takes just a minute or two on hotmail or yahoo), and email me at menloveBLS@brooklaw.edu.

i'll be taking the next couple of days off to get this fucking letter written for robyn's class, so this entry will probably be it for the week. i hope you all stay warm, and lastly...

get those fucking nominations in! do it anonymously! say something nice about someone, and make somebody happy!

nominations based on nice asses are, of course, welcome.

shmeh

what's up...

thanks to the anonymous person who posted the link to the hella article. very impressive stuff... though i have to admit that i love the idea of hellerstein as a gym teacher. i can picture the dude in his parachute pants, with a whistle around his neck, presiding over a serious game of dodgeball.

anyhow, thanks to the five or six of you who have nominated friends (or yourselves) for the upcoming "wonderful classmates" segment. however, i would like to see a lot more nominations roll in during the next few days. please don't be shy; send me your nomination today (plus a brief testimonial) to menloveBLS@hotmail.com.

not much to report today. 4/5 grades in... it is now clear that i will not be failing out, so that's cool.

on that note, has anyone already dropped out of school? and to all you smart kids out there, is anyone thinking of transfering to columbia, NYU, or wherever the smart kids go? i haven't heard too many rumors about this yet.

in response to the question about how i'll be keeping my identity a secret next year, this won't be an issue, as menlovian will be wrapping up at the end of this school year, at the very latest.

you're right, my favorite thing to post about is the daily goings-on in class, and it would be impossible to preserve my anonymity when we all have different schedules. plus, my silly little blog takes a lot of time to write, and i think that one year of solid effort is a good length for a project of this sort. that being said, i'll try to post often between now and the end of the year, but once june rolls around, menlovian will disappear like a fart in the wind, and so will your old friend menlove.

school was pretty cool today. there's just something great about poser the dozer. he scored some major points by describing shiley maclaine as... fetching. plus, he uttered this week's immortal quote:

"there's no such thing as a bad student. some students are just less good than others." instant classic.

however, was anyone else thoroughly confused by the following hypo poser posed to the class? here it is, to the best of my memory:

"imagine that a contract is made for $18,000 dollars, but it costs the plaintiff just $12,000 to build the bridge. therefore the profit is six thousand dollars. assume further that at the time when rockingham county repudiated, the plaintiff had incurred costs of $2,000. what then are they entitled to recover?"

i swear i really tried my best to pay attention to this part of the discussion. however, poser soon had a crazy-ass list of figures on the board, and i was quickly lost. evidently, the solution to the problem involved the factoring of some sort of quadratic equation, a twenty-sided die, the multiplication of matrices, and at least a rudimentary understanding of game theory.

scott kreppein, where are you now that we need you???

in other words, the answer was $11,000. unfortunately, i have literally no idea how that figure was reached. fortunately, if poser tries to pull some shit like this on the exam, i'll be ready with my answer: 11K. as long as we don't have to show our math, i'll be cool.

civ pro was fun while it lasted, although was i the only one who felt like gora was a bit annoyed by how little we seemed to understand about even the most rudimentary aspects of civil procedure? it really was a little bit pathetic, pretty much it was three guys answering 70% of gora's questions.

so to the rest of you in civ pro, it's time to step it up a notch. you can't always expect me, knox and demian to answer everything!

just fucking around. i did not participate in civ pro today. in fact, not only did i fail to volunteer, but i spent a good ten minutes calculating the number of weeks until i'll be called on in civ pro, assuming that gora sticks to his four-person team approach to socratic case law analysis, coupled with the alphabetical order thingy.

ok, i'm out like the gout. don't forget:

i need your nominations! this means you, click this link now, and let me know who's worthy:

menloveBLS@hotmail.com

hasta.

a portrait of the artist as a piece of shit

so here it is, nearing midnight at the end of a lazy three day weekend. i've had my con law textbook open in front of me for close to an hour, but for some reason i can't bring myself to actually start reading all of those tiny, confusing little letters.

i think that at this moment, i am at my lowest point all year in terms of motivation and passion for the study of law.

i mean, i just came off of an extremely trying, hectic, and largely unsuccessful semester. sure, it's looking like i won't be failing out, but in some ways (and i'm ashamed to admit this) i'm almost disappointed that i failed to fail out.

what i've learned from last semester is that by working really, really hard every day, by sleeping very few hours per night, by allowing my college friendships to stagnate, by failing to exercise in any way, by upping my smoking habit dramatically, and by ignoring virtually every other hobby / interest / leisure in my life, all i will be able to gain is a spot squarely in the bottom quarter of our class. and this truly is a shitty realization.

last semester, though hampered by my menlovian intellect, i still managed to attack my assignments with some degree of passion. i cared. sure, on some level, my work ethic was fueled by a fear of looking ridiculous vis-a-vis a sebokian socratic skewering; regardless, at least i gave two shits.

now, i sit here and look at this con law reading, and i hardly care about it at all. hell, i really barely even care about my con law or torts grade at this point. (although, i have to admit that i liked how brassy hellerstein was when he announced that he would be blatantly disregarding the school's posted january 15th grade submission deadline. "kiss my tenured ass, baby!") and it's not like it's just tonight's homework. what lies ahead is about four more months of constant frets, sweats and regrets, peppered with a frantic but fruitless job search, failing health, and deteriorating connections to almost everything that else that once mattered in my life.

i've just never felt quite this... shmeh since school started.

anyway, sorry about all my bitching. i'm done now.

on to something more positive...

i've been meaning to respond to much of the mail that some of you guys have been sending to menloveBLS@hotmail.com. unfortunately, as many of you use anonymous email addresses rather than your BLS accounts, it's hard to tell whether several of you or just a few of you have been sending me email. regardless, it's always good to hear from you all.

one theme that's popped up in my inbox a few times is people requesting for me to redo or renew the whole "my wonderful classmates" thing from last semester.

more specifically, some of you seem really to be interested in finding out my thoughts on my least favorite people, the people i think will be most likely to flunk out, or the people who i consider to be the biggest nerds in our section.

obviously, these are topics for private conversation, not for anonymous bloggery; however, what i have decided to do is to reprise last semester's "my wonderful classmates" series.

it makes sense to do this now for a few reasons... first, five out of last semester's six wonderful folks were in section 9. now that our classes have all converged, it would surely be worthwhile to recognize some of the great people in sections 7 and 8 as well. furthermore, the original 6 were posted just a month or two into the school year. obviously, we've all had time now to get to know the people sitting around us in class a bit better, and new fantastic personalities have certainly emerged.

therefore, the time is ripe for "my wonderful classmates II."

however, whereas last time i pretty much picked the six "winners" all by my lonesome self, this time, i'll be enlisting everyone's help.

if you happen to know someone in section 7, 8 or 9 who never fails to impress, nominate them by sending me an email.

in addition to the name of your nominee, be sure to tell me some things about them that make them such hot shit.

also, feel free to nominate yourself! i don't give a crap if you do, and i promise i won't call anyone out for doing so. hell, you yourself might be more wonderful than anyone else can possibly know.

i'll be accepting nominations all this week at menloveBLS@hotmail.com

***
one final note: there is still a very real and tangible prize awaiting any brave soul who dares to shout out "slow down!" during property class. offer expires this wednesday after professor jones dismisses our class.

dozer

sort of in a rush this evening, so i'm gonna kick it bullet-point style...

• i know it's too early to tell, but doesn't it seem like professor poser pretty much kicks ass? what is it about this old man that makes him so darn likeable? his laid-back, socratic-lite approach? his sense of wonder (and the smile that crept over his face) as he described being at the supreme court? or is it the fact that he gave himself a pretty friggin' cool nickname today... poser the dozer. (not dozer as in snoozer, but dozer as in bulldozer, as in a one-man wrecking crew.) bottom line, it sucks that we have to go to school at all on a friday, but we could do a lot worse than two hours with the dozer. maybe i'm wrong... i'd love to hear what you think about him as well.
• civ pro was a breeze again today with professor gora a.k.a. bob newhart. gora just seems like a really, really nice guy. it was so fun watching how delighted he was when he realized that the student in our class portraying the plaintiff was from missouri.
• also intriguing was gora's revelation that he was a cartophile. (is that a real word? i may have just made it up.) anyway, he's not a "map freak" but he is a map lover. i don't know why, but i like knowing these little things about our professors.
• i have to wonder if gora will be using this plaintiff / defendant / judge / commentator approach to all of our cases this semester. was it just me, or did it seem like some of the people today got off really easily? anyway, i hope he sticks with it.
• thanks to the person who wrote up the pitler story on the message board. sort of makes me appreciate P a little bit more... i mean, you think sebok gives a shit whether any of us smokes ourselves to death? way to go, professor pitler.

all things considered, a thoroughly decent first week of the semester. hope you all have a great three day weekend. take a bit of advice from menlove, your local village idiot: aside from spring break, there will be no better weekend to party than this one. put your books away, put some sort of buzz on, and rock out with your cock out.

-menlove

i gotta get me one of them hedy lamarr noses...

too much tit

"this movie's got too much tit and not enough tanks. either get rid of the tits, or add some more tanks. so you know what i did... i added tanks." - Professor William O.G. Helladonk, Esq.

you can now add lenny bruce to hellerstein's posse. i like to think of hella and all of his homies (leonard bernstein, lenny bruce, huey p. newton, little stevie breyer, moon, stewie, che guevara and jimi hendrix) sitting around in some greenwich village apartment in the 60's, banging on bongos and tripping on peyote.

(can anyone compile an accurate list of all of the names hella's dropped so far this year? obviously, my list above is incomplete, and partly fiction.)

anyhow, it was a pretty fun class today, highlighted by the tit/tank speech, a good debate on natural law, and a lot of long tangents about some really boring cases.

property was also slightly more boring today, although professor jones did have some amusing moments. how great was it to see her vigorously slicing a coffee cake while answering questions about the sale of organs?

jones also did a bit more of her name game routine. listen next time to the names she calls out in class... half of them aren't even real words.

(what's your name? tom? are there any other toms in here? thomases? tommys? tompkins? tommifers? tomsils? how do you say tom in spanish?)

that spanish shit was awesome. how great would it have been had someone replied with, "si, me llamo tomas."

anyway, thanks for the delicious kosher snacks.

hasta!

norm!

ok, so i'm annoyed because i just wrote this blog for thirty minutes, then my computer freaked out, crashed, and i lost all i'd written. fortunately, it was a really crappy entry; regardless, here's take two.

hi! welcome to menlovian! i will be keeping this short tonight, as i have yet to begin the sure-to-be scintillating con law reading (is it just me, or has all the fun seemingly been sucked out of that class? i can hardly bring it upon myself to even crack open those 1000 pages of fun before the midnight hour. anyway...).

to the person on the message board who asked, yes, i have tried the BLS water, and i have to say that for 75 cents, it was not too shabby.

also have to say hello and welcome to "Puffendorf," who made himself quite a splashy entrance: glad you're here, try to play nice, make sure your girlfriend wears a helmet, and never bring a gun to school.

anyway...

today was a good day. i have to say that i really like this professor poser character thus far. thanks to the anonymous soul who pointed out the bob novak connection.



from my perspective, poser really reminded me of that actor paul scofield, specifically in his portrayal of mark van doren Quiz Show...



ok, ok... i'll admit that poser looks more like novak. but he was very van doren today in the way he spoke, particularly in his wonderful employment of melisma on the final syllable of his words ("...whether-rr the contra-aaact was relied upon-NNN-nn").

i loved it. also nice was the professor kingsfield clip from the paper chase. it would be awesome if poser could somehow incorporate more law school-related films into the class, such as legally blonde, legally blonde 2 - electric boogaloo, or even soul man, which is widely regarded as the cinematic ur-text of the law school experience, and a true piece of shit movie in its own right.

the point is that i'm liking the dude so far. he's about as old-school as they come, and overall i am optimistic about the prospect of spending five hours per week with him.

also today we had our first fifty minute civ pro marathon with another new teacher, professor gora. i'm sure i'll have more to say on him in the weeks ahead, but for the sake of brevity, for now i'll just say that he seemed like a really friendly and enthusiastic guy. obviously, all it takes is a quick gora google to find out that massive brownie points await any student who can work campaign finance reform into the class discussion.

so i have to hit the books. one last thing...

remember how professor jones mentioned on monday that if she's ever talking too quickly, to simply raise our hands and let her know, or just to shout out "slow down!" during class?

let's see who's really got some balls (or ovaries!) in section 8 or 9...

that's right boys and girls, it's time for the first installment of...

MENLOVIAN SHENANIGANS!

this week's challenge: shout out "slow down! during property class either today or on monday. a special prize will be awarded to the first person who pulls off this shenanigan.

i freakin' dare you!

high hopes

lots of changes afoot at our beloved BLS at the dawn of this new semester. it seems as if our school's 100th birthday is now officially over, as the gigantic banners in the courtyard have been replaced with flags of red, black and gold. for a moment i thought that our little corner of joralemon had been annexed by germany, but upon seeing the familiar and friendly faces at the security station, i knew that everything was as it should be.

a new shock was waiting for me in the cafeteria (aka the "caf" as the cool kids say). our water bottles now sport a BLS logo, and the grill area has been taken over by the douwe egberts coffee system corporation.

wtf???


accept the coffee

so thank you to everyone who posted messages throughout vacation. i hope y0u had a good one. greetings and salutations go out to our newest member, who goes by the moniker "B". that's easily the shortest name ever, so congrats, B. concision is a virtue.

thanks also to the kind people who commented on my new layout and user profile. i'll try to add a bit more to the profile in the weeks ahead, so those of you who wish to learn a bit more of my life story can check it out there.

anyhow, today was an exciting day, as it was the first day of property, a new class with a new professor, beryl jones, esq. i have to say that i was quite excited about this class, starting with the moment that i bought the textbook.

let's talk about that textbook. isn't it just the cutest little thing ever? i'm crazy about it. it's so small and light, and just brimming with all sorts of wonderful pictures and illustrations. i just want to lick it, it's so freakin' tiny. when i go clubbing this weekend, i'm going to stuff it down the front of my pants.

and i have to say that the first case, moore, was actually fairly interesting. i learned the word splenectomy, and i read about something called hairy cells. plus, the decision was practically written in outline form. way to go, judge! moving on...

it's hard to know where to begin with professor jones, so i'll keep this short until we get to spend more time together.

i like her. something about her is vaguely... sebokian? or am i merely projecting my longing for sebok onto her? regardless, she's got great energy, and a pretty good sense of humor, although her delivery could not be any less like tony's.

did anyone else notice the way she kept on playing with that rubber band all through class? i liked it.

anyhow, it seems like by the end of the semester, we'll have a chance to learn all about professor jones, her daughter's experience picking a college, how she doesn't like criminals, and hopefully many more interesting things.

maybe i was biased because the textbook was illustrated, but something about property class today sort of gave me that elementary school vibe.

was it the ten minute pep talk about how there's something amazing inside each and every one of us? the fact that we have to do a workbook? or was it all of her friendly and random questions?

are there any other williams in here?
willys?
willamenas?
wilhelms?
come on, there must be another william in this room!
where did you grow up?
did anyone grow up in the southwest?
raise your hand if you have a master's!
is anyone else's dad a firefighter?
who wants cookies?

the other great thing about class today was that we spent the whole first hour just getting to know each other! whereas big T spent about 55 seconds of class time before he tore into walter v. wal-mart, professor jones spent 55 minutes on all of our various fun and games. good stuff.

the bottom line is that i am feeling optimistic about the class and the professor. let's keep our fingers crossed. i'd also love to hear everyone else's first impressions about property. smoke 'em if you've got 'em.

ok, time to get on the contracts homework. i'm currently on page two. page one took me - i'm not kidding here - almost twenty minutes to figure out.

later taters.

2005...

happy new year everyone!

though i have no idea whether or not i'll be around next semester, i'm going to hope for the best, and act as if i'll end up in the top 90% of the class, thereby continuing my pursuit of a J.D. chalk it up to the power of positive thinking.

i agree with the person who griped on the message board that it is becoming extremely frustrating not having the majority of our grades despite the long delay. i'd be willing to bet that robert pitler, esq. has not even begun to peruse our frantic ramblings from those torturous hours in early december. what's more, it's really not so implausable to imagine that pitler won't really ever bother to read them at all...

(i think that was like a triple negative in that last sentence. my writing skills are rapidly eroding, along with virtually all knowledge i managed to accrue throughout first semester. i mean seriously, i can't really remember what a single one of the federal rules of civil procedure are, aside from rule 11, which involves some sort of sanction for attorneys who do bad things with barbie dolls, or at least with dolls that infringe upon barbie's copyright. though i can sort of recall a bit of torts info, con law and crim are completely gone.)

anyhow, it's been a great break so far. i finished sending out all of my resumes and cover letters, and managed to line up an interview with justice rehnquist for next month. i'm also looking at a job as a writer for law & order, SVU. evidently someone in charge of their scripts department caught wind of my idiotic little blog, and actually liked what they read, and asked me to write a scene for their show. so that would be cool if it panned out, but do i really want to suffer through five more semesters of law school to end up as some alcoholic pseudo show biz TV writer hack, working on some spin-off that's bound to go off the air within a year or two? regardless, if none of my resumes and job search efforts prove to be worthwhile, i'll probably just end up asking my old man to hook me up with a summer associate position at his firm (he's a partner at cravath). though i am hesitant to do the whole nepotism thing, at least i'll earn some decent cash.

(of course, everything in the preceding paragraph was complete and utter bullshit. i can barely spell ranqwist, much less line up an interview with him. i would drop out of law school in a second to write for a TV show, but it ain't happening. and my dad isn't even an attorney, he's a line cook at hooters in terra haute. i have no job prospects. my resumes and cover letters have been sent out, but the most encouraging feedback i've gotten so far was from the staten island D.A., who sent my resume back to me with a booger stuck in it. i'll undoubtedly end up having to beg professor pitler for a job as a summer research assistant. unfortunately, since the old codger isn't exactly down with the whole publish-or-perish thing, he'll probably ask me to research remedies for his various corns and bunions. with any luck, p-funk will allow me to apply a soothing balm to the sores on his crusty old feet.)

that aside, i'm thoroughly enjoying this wonderful break from law school, and i hope you are as well.

i am happy to say that i have already had more than one date this winter with the subtlely sublime princess strawberry margarita. out of respect to her wishes, and at her request, this will be the last paragraph that i devote to my love life (unless, of course, i end up being single again, at which point you and the clerk at my corner liquor store will be the first to know about it). anyhow, i get one paragraph, so i'll try to make it a decent one. we went to some sort of hot-shot tapas place on our first date, way out of my price range, but whatever. the problem was that they had double-booked my friggin table, and old menlove and his lovely princess had nowhere to sit. we were starving, hovering by the bar, i was praying for at least one stool to open up, and the coversation was awkward because i was constantly having to look around for a place to sit. things were looking dire, and like the menlove i am, i hadn't come up with any sort of backup plan, so i was pretty upset. then, all at once, it was as if the gods (nan and tony) were smiling upon me, the two seats directly in front of us opened up. i was so freakin' relieved and happy, and so was she. it was as if finally the date could begin. we ordered a shitload of tapas, a pitcher of sangria, and pretty much got comfy, and settled in for about two very fine hours together on our crowded little bar stools. the food was delicious, the pitcher was drained and a second was ordered, and things really started to click. she laughed at all my jokes, and i realized that she was about twice as charming and intelligent than i'd ever imagined. the more i looked at her, the more beautiful i realized she was, like the graceful curves of her shoulders and neck, or the way that a single strand of her hair would linger deliciously in the corner of her mouth as she smiled. true, the sangria was kickin', but as we sat there together, i realized that this woman was like claire huxtable and careena collins all rolled up in one. damn, this paragraph is pretty long already, but the date was only half over. she agreed to accompany me to some silly lounge, where we easily nabbed a comfy couch. princess strawberry margarita and i switched to liquor, and she switched to a british accent, which for some reason charmed the hell out of me. every time i addressed her by her "royal" title, she addressed me as "count wooty wanka." to the outsider it must've seemed to be unmitigated douchebaggery, but to us, it was a really nice first date. the only downside was that i kept having to pee every ten minutes (when i drink, i have a bladder like a chihuahua), and every time i returned to her, some new guy was hitting on her, but i guess that's the hazard you face when out on the town with a fabulous fox like that. long story short, incredible woman & incredible time. i'm happy and hopeful, and that's all i have to say about that.

***

i've been wondering still what happens when we get our grades. will the people in the top ten percent be making their status known to the rest of us? will people be asking me what i got? i don't know how i'll be able to deal with that. i'll probably have to lie or else be ashamed.

i can tell you all here honestly that i've only gotten back one grade so far, and it was a C- in legal writing. pretty bad, but hopefully not in the bottom 10%.

anyhow, i hope people don't get too high and mighty with their grades. i've been hanging out with BLS folks quite a bit during break, and one thing i keep noticing is how much people like to bemoan the fact that they're going to be losing their scholarships at the end of the year.

at least you got paid for a year, asshole!

ok, glad to have that out of my system. thanks to everyone who has been posting during break, and welcome to our newest registrant, "sick chicken". pluck you, asshole! assuming i don't fail out (positive thinking, baby!), i'll do my best to get back into the habit of daily entries once school begins.

i hope you like menlovian's new layout. i figured it's a new year, a new start, so why not a new look. regardless, here's my wish to all of you for a year filled with new friends, good grades, great summer jobs, decent professors who stick to their syllabi, health, happiness, and thousands upon thousands of mind-blowing orgasms.

-menlove