good grief

thanks for the kind words that a few of you posted after my last entry. that fucker actually took me a long time to put together, so i'm glad that some of you liked it.

i should also mention that another 54 bucks rolled into the Africare fund yesterday. in other words, we're already almost 40% of the way to becoming life members of Africare. this is really amazing to me. i figured we'd raise two hundred dollars, max. in fact, i felt pretty secure in my belief that the $1500 mark was high enough that i'd never have to reveal my identity.

however, now it's looking like it might go either way. although i'm not at all excited about the prospect of pulling back the veil on my anonymity, i will admit that a part of me is rooting for this to actually work, just because we'd be doing something so tremendously meaningful for people really need our help. like i've said before, some things are bigger than any one person.

anyway, what i want to write about today is how law school still sucks after spring break. i must have been delusional last week when i wrote about being somewhat excited to get back into the swing of things. thus far, classes have been really boring, and hardly anyone has been prepared when they've been called on in class. plus, legal writing is still draining every remaining ounce of joy out of my miserable existence.

i reached a personal low this morning in property, a class that is becoming increasingly pointless for me with each passing week. the class was so bad, in fact, that i actually passed through all five stages of grief during the 110 minutes that we sat together.

and why was i grieving, you may ask? because something about that class always makes me die a little bit on the inside.

the five stages of grief

DENIAL: she's not still talking about J-Lo and Matt Damon, is she?

ANGER: why the fuck are we discussing a case she told us to skip?!?!?!!!

BARGAINING: lord, let this break last fifteen minutes, and i'll never masterbate again. i mean i won't masterbate again today. while i'm at school. in the library. thinking about the register girl in the cafeteria. i swear i won't do that if you just stretch this break out a little bit more. no deal? you mean you want me to keep my hands off myself all day, even when i get home? jesus christ, god, you drive a pretty hard bargain. ok, i'll tell you what. i'll agree to your terms, but with one caveat: you have to email me a property outline, and i'm talking about a really good one, not like that piece of shit you sent me for civ pro last semester. what? how can you say that? it was so a piece of shit. it said that a rule 6 violation pertained only to cases involving leonard part 6. well how the fuck was i supposed to know that was just a joke?

DEPRESSION: skip back 400 pages to ernst v. conditt? i don't remember any cases about go-karts. what's the point? there's no reason for me to go on. it doesn't even matter if i fail this class because i'm not going to pass the bar anyway. and i'm fat.

ACCEPTANCE: my understanding of property law will not be extended today.

***
interestingly enough, the people sitting around me do seem to be getting a lot out of property class, and enjoying it on some level. i can only conclude that my grief stems from some sort of fault of my own - a lack of preparation or cognitive horsepower - rather than from any extrinsic factor. sometimes i wish i weren't such a menlove.

-menlove

the year in pictures

menlovian edit: the website i credited for providing some of the pics in this article got mad at me for using them, so i removed them. therefore, there's really no point in reading this article.

we're now officially entering into the home stretch, and it's times like these that always make me feel like looking back and reflecting. perhaps this is because the prospect at looking at what's ahead is absolutely terrifying.

anyway, it's been a wild and memorable year, to say the least. here's what i remember. the moments recorded below are the indelible images burned into my mind from the last seven months of the school year. perhaps some of you have experienced the year slightly differently than i have; regardless, i'd imagine that at least a few of you may know where i'm coming from.

(warning: the following entry contains violent and sexual images. proceed with reasonable caution.)

so without further ado, here it is:

the year (so far) in pictures



getting ready for the first day of orientation! feeling good. excited. nothing to fear.



in fact, feeling a bit confident... cocky... i'm going to be great at this! i mean, after all, i got almost all A's during my last semester of senior year! this won't be so tough. i'm going to be on law review! no, i'm going to edit the law review! you smell that? do you smell that? ...napalm, son. nothing else in the world smells like that. i love the smell of napalm in the morning. i feel good...



relaxed...



confident.

but then you get to the first day of class, and it hits you...



some of these here fuckers are pretty smart.



so you stay in the library until your head spins, but can't avoid the fact that you are incapable of retaining all of the information. but it's ok... at least you haven't gotten called on yet. until...



lightning strikes! just as you're getting into a torrid sexual fantasy during a sleepy crim law morning, you realize that it's your name coming out of pitler's mouth.

so he begins pounding away at you. the moment it's over, you realize...



i just got fucked, and everybody watched it happen.

but you shrug it off, and work even harder. besides...



exams are still pretty far away.

so you keep cruising along, constantly rationalizing about how next week you'll surely have time to start outlining, to write your brief. but law school is relentless. things start going out of control...



it's just going so fast! i can't catch my breath!

there's no earthly way of knowing
which direction you are going
there's no knowing where you're rowing
or which way the river's flowing.

is it raining? is it snowing?
is a hurricane-a-blowing?

(you won't know. you'll be in the library.)

and the weeks just fly by, until suddenly:

it's december. the exams are upon you.

regular classes are over. it's the night before your first exam, and you have officially lost your mind.

you watch a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. that's your dream. that's your nightmare. crawling, swiftly, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving........

but exams can't be that bad, can they?

you silly fool!

crim law exam: a bloody mess

torts exam: a crippling blow

civ pro: a friggin' marathon

con law: you're not looking so hot anymore.

but it's over. at least it's finally over.

time to blow off some steam. i wonder what the scene's like at that bar everyone's going to?

ah yes, this looks like it will be an affair to remember.

1:43 a.m.: hello, i do believe that we've not spoken all semester.

1:44 a.m.: no, we haven't. i'm menlove. damn that exam sucked.

1:45 a.m.: sure did. perhaps we should sleep together tonight.

1:46 a.m.: i concur.

praise the lord, it's finally winter break. and that's cool, except that you're completely broke, can't get an interview, and it's twelve degrees outside.

and then your exam grades are posted:

total ass fuck.

goodbye, law review...

so long, proud parents...

adios, 125K in 2007!

break is over as soon as it began, and second semester, it happens all over again. the faces are the same. the workload is just as bad. the stress is still constant.

but one thing's different:

you've chaged. something inside you has snapped. there is no more confident, no more afraid, no more relaxed.

there is no feeling at all. you are broken, beaten, a shell of your former self.

you are... in a world... of shit.

***

if you're still procrastinating... here's a contest for menlovian readers: how many of the characters pictured above can you name? and if it's not a picture of a character, what movie or show is it from?

email your answers to menlovebls@hotmail.com. the person who gets the most names correct wins a teeny tiny prize, paid for by old menlove. in case of a tie, the winner will be the person i deem to have the most worth as a human being.

thanks for reading, everyone. i had fun writing it. see you with the dozer...

-menlove

la guapa

just a quick note...

someone just gave the most amazing donation yet! thank you to the kind and generous person who brought us over the $500 plateau on the BLSforGood website. we are now more than a third of the way towards our goal of raising 1500 dollars for Africare!

thanks again to everyone who has contributed!

***
i'm nearly done with the year-in-pictures piece i've been working on, and will try to have that for you in the next day or two.

i'll see you all in property tomorrow morning! i'm actually really excited about seeing professor jones again after this break. i have a feeling it'll be an interesting class.

adios, sanchitos.

woo wooo!!!

Bonjour! Konichiwa! Al salaam a'alaykum! Ni hao! Hello! ¡Hola! Chào! Bon giorno! Guten Tag! Jambo! Zdravstvuite! Shalom! Dobar Dan!

hope you're all enjoying these few final and fleeting days of spring break. it's been a nice little stretch of time off for your old friend menlove; however, i'm realizing that in just a few short days, we'll be back to the normal grind. that totally blows, so i guess all we can really do now is make the most of the time we've got.

anyway, on with the show...

i received a pretty random email a couple of days ago from someone who is thinking about enrolling at good old BLS. they didn't sign the letter, but it appeared in my inbox as being writen by someone named "jes ..." yrbadluck@gmail.com (hopefully you don't mind me posting your email, dude!)

i figured i might as well get everyone's input on it, since you all tend to be quite a bit wiser than i am. check it out:

"when i began researching law schools everyone who knew anything about ny and
brooklyn law sent me to your site. so i have been reading your blog for a while. and wanted to say that you are an amazing writer and your fucking hilarious (my girlfriend thinks you should definetly keep this stuff and publish it or go write for snl or something) anyway, im in the process of making decisions about law school. brooklyn is one of my top choices. i know your busy but i was wondering if you could share your opinions about the school? is it conservative at all? knowing what
you know now would you still decide on brooklyn for law school? is it competitive? overall do you like it? any advice or suggestions are appreciated. thanks"

naturally, i have one or two responses to this inquiry, but i hope that anyone else who reads this will offer their informed perspective either on the message board, or in an email to "jes..."

so, jes, flattery will certainly get you everywhere. in this case, the first half of your letter sufficiently inflated my ego to the point that i'm writing this entire entry for you. thanks for your kind words. unfortunately, i doubt very much that anything i write here is worthy of publication. my best bet would likely be a guest column in the BLS newspaper, but even that seems like a long shot. fortunately, i'm happy where i am, writing what i can to satisfy my fellow BLSers.

you've asked some interesting questions. here's my take, but remember that this is just one idiot's opinion.

is it conservative at all? well, yes, a little bit. of course, this is new york city, home to a great concentration of what some would call "enlightened, progressive, compassionate souls" and what others would call "the liberal elite." from my limited experience with the professors of brooklyn law, it seems as if most of them lean slightly or dramatically to the left. while most of my classmates tend to be liberal as well, a solid chunk (perhaps 15-25%?) would likely describe themselves as fiscally and/or socially conservative, and several other classmates probably fall somewhere in between. in my opinion, this leads to some really interesting class discussions, as well as to arguments / debates with classmates during lunch or over beers.

knowing what you know now would you still decide on brooklyn for lawschool? yes, i would. though at times i regret the decision to come to law school in general, i'm happy that i chose BLS. of course, the reality is that virtually everyone at brooklyn was hoping that they'd get into columbia or NYU (and possibly even fordham or cardozo), and had to "settle" for BLS after being rejected to these other schools. there's really no way to sugarcoat the fact that our beloved BLS is quite simply only the fifth-best law school in new york city.

now obviously, people consider several factors in picking a law school. for instance, in addition to the school's rank, i considered the cost and financial aid / scholarship package available, the neighborhood, the commute, the student body, the programs offered, the physical facilities, and so on.

bottom line, if the only law schools you get into are BLS and columbia, unless you're looking at a full scholarship to BLS, there's really no reason to come here. at columbia, the recruiters wait in line to suck your toes, even if you're a menlove like me. (so i've heard, at least.) however, if you get into several similarly-situated schools such as BLS, st. john's and cardozo, you should give BLS some serious thought. the neighborhood is great, most of the professors are good, and your classmates will generally be very cool, interesting and smart.

is it competitive? it's competitive, but not cut-throat. everyone here understands that the professors are only allowed to give out a certain amount of A's, that only a certain percentage of us will get onto law review, that only a handful of us will land the judicial internships, and that only a few of us will get onto moot court.

some people succeed in all regards. most people try really hard but fall short. a few people just don't care at all.

however, everything i've said so far is true at virtually every law school in the country. what's cool about BLS is that people aren't out to kill each other, to sabotage anyone else's chances for success or anything like that. for instance, if i was to miss a class, i could probably ask at least a dozen people to send me their notes. and i'd gladly return the favor if they needed my help.

before law school, i heard horror stories about pages being ripped out from books and stuff like that. i've never seen anything lame like that happening here. really, the only uncool thing i've heard of so far was that at the end of last semester, a handful of smart people in the class set up some secret study sessions to which no one else was invited (although this may just be hearsay, except that i don't really know what hearsay means, so i'm not sure.) of course, this is their prerogative, and it's not like any secret study session kept me from getting an A anyway.

bottom line: people work hard here and are generally happy to lend a hand. it's a healthy vibe for a law school.

overall do you like it? if you've really been reading menlovian for awhile, you probably know the answer to this question. but to summarize, i'll say that i do not believe that it is possible to truly "like" law school, because it's just so enormously and relentlessly shitty. yet, i'm not unhappy. i've had one or two great professors, made one or two friends, and learned one or two things along the way. i've also made several ones and twos in the bathrooms, but that's neither here nor there...

any advice or suggestions are appreciated. ok, here are some final tidbits of advice and suggestions to help you along your way:

• don't try methamphetamines for the first time the night before you take the LSAT.
• before you write your exams, learn the difference between "your" and "you're" (i don't mean to pick on you, but i noticed this and other apostrophic errors in your letter, and i'd imagine that sebok & co. would poop on any exam answer with such egregious errors contained therein...)
• start an anonymous blog! it's a great way to put off revising your brief for professor schneider.

hope that helped, jes... perhaps my classmates will have a thing or two to add to what i've said so far. good luck on the entire process, and perhaps someday we'll meet over a steaming hot cup of douwe egberts.

***

before i sign off, i've got four quick things to mention.

first, i'd like to welcome "adam" to our little menlovian freaknik thingy. thanks for logging in, dude! nice job on the creative nickname, and thanks also for sharing the funny anecdote about your dad. i wish i could've been there when you explained to him what the hell menlovian is.

second, big ups to the person who posted the link to the famous clip of bubb rubb & lil sis.

i actually saw that clip several months ago, but was happy to see those two again. so happy, in fact, that i had a whistle tip welded into my vas deferens. now my man-queefs make a screaming noise! wooo WOOOO!!!

(ok, that made absolutely no sense. anyway...)

(by the way, if you google bubb rubb, you'll find all sorts of fun soundboards, movie remixes, and images.)

third, we're off to a great start with the fundraising on BLSforGood. if you're interested in helping the people of africa, or even if you're just interested in piercing the menlovian veil, drop me a line at menlovebls@hotmail.com, and let me know how much you'd like to contribute. and thanks again to those of you who have already pledged over 350 dollars!!!

finally, i'll start posting daily again once classes get going. i've been working on a year-in-pictures piece that i think some of you may enjoy, plus some other weird stories and the usual random crap.

keep it real! (real dumb.)

-menlove

out of sight, out of mind...

yet absence makes the heart grow fonder! oh that professor poser, i just want to give him the biggest hug ever.

on the one in a billion chance that the dozer reads the crap i write, here's another one you can use next year: "look before you leap," yet "he who hesitates is lost."

it did make me feel good today in contracts when he asked whether anyone knew what a proverb was. for about three seconds, i felt really smart, and understood what was going on in class. that's not a common experience for me these days.

by the time that civ pro rolled around, it was fairly evident that everyone had already checked out for spring break. it seemed like no one felt like coming to class, and those people who were actually there didn't bother to read the cases. good old civ pro...

it's like i heard all year how important erie was from my lawyer friends and relatives. now that we're actually studying it, i can hardly muster the energy even to read it.

fuck it, i'm going on vacation tomorrow.

ok, so i've been working for awhile on a little article about "what makes a good law professor." i thought maybe i'd send it to dean wexler (aka d-wex) when i'm done with it, but i need your help as well. if anyone has anything they'd like to share about what makes a good (or bad) law professor, please email me at menlovebls@hotmail.com.

finally, to the weirdo who emailed me the "betting lines" for my identity, i'd be happy to post it for you tonight. but first, i've got to say that the name "crim_law_fanatic" is just fantastic. however, might "fanatic" be too strong a word?

anyway, some of you might have missed it on the message board, but it appears that a small cadre of our classmates have taken the trouble to rank the menlove candidates, and to assign each one odds for their respective degree of, um, menloviness.

i hope to see a goodly amount of bets being laid down in the weeks ahead.

and remember, those of you who want to collect on your bets should check out BLSforGood to monitor our progress. or just go ahead and make your pledge now with a simple email to menlovebls@hotmail.com.

so without further ado, here are the current odds on my identity. having reviewed them thoroughly, i can tell you that crim_law_fanatic and his cronies have done a pretty good job. enjoy, and feel free to comment on the message board.

Current Menlove Odds
mark antar 3-1
evan wagowski 3-1
andrew oldis 3.5-1
sam levy 3.5-1
james murray 4.5-1
scott eckert 7-1
demian ordway 7-1
jed friedman 7-1
scott chait 7.5-1
knox mcilwain 7.5-1
dave knapp 11-1
keith baumann 11-1
all other guys in section nine 20-1
a woman in section nine 25-1
someone not in section nine 35-1
menlove is more than one person 15-1
menlove is professor pitler 40-1

***

i'll try to post once or twice during break. enjoy some well-deserved rest, everyone. remember, there's still plenty of time to bust your ass once school starts up again. i'll see you all on the flipside.

-menlove

rocky balboa

ok, so i was googling myself today (yes, i admit it, i'm can be a self-centered s.o.b. at times), and i came across the following link. you can check it out quickly right here.

say what? does anyone have any idea what the hell this is all about? and can anyone explain why menlovian's stock is not through the roof?

for those of you who look for clues about my identity in what i write, here's a huge one: i am on call tomorrow in class. therefore, tonights entry will be quick, sloppy, and terribly unsatisfying. (much like my lovemaking style.)

(just kidding... i'm actually not too shabby. but that's neither here nor there. anyway...)

i'd imagine that like me, you guys are counting down the hours until spring break. this being on call thing puts a major crimp in my style, because otherwise, i have virtually zero desire to do any work. i've been finding all sorts of interesting ways to avoid finishing the civ pro reading for tomorrow.

for instance, anyone with three minutes to spare will surely enjoy taking a quick gander at this guy, aka my new hero.

***
once again, mad props go out to those of you who have contributed to Africare thus far. in the last 24 hours, "belladonna" and "anonymous" have officially become mr. and mrs. huxtable! you can check it out at the BLSforGood website.

though i've been blown away by everyone's generosity thus far, remember, every little bit gets us closer to our goal. why not forsake that second cup of coffee this afternoon, and put those two bucks to better use?

ok, i'll get out of telethon mode for now. but let me mention that it's also been a treat for me learning the "alter-egos" of many of our donors thus far. i never would have guessed who most of you guys are. don't worry though, your secret is safe with me. and perhaps i'll eventually be able to return the favor someday.

big fun in legal writing this morning...

i wish that we could always have 9a and 9b together for that class, because it's a recipe for comedy. we sure were enthusiastic about volunteering for her moot court practice activity, eh?

my favorite student - teacher exchange (and perhaps the least-socratic dialogue of the year) was between mr. oldis and professor schneider...

schneider: so do you guys have any questions about appellate advocacy?
oldis: yeah, what's the deal with the appellate advocacy?

and her reaction was totally like, 'good question,' as if that had to be asked before she would begin teaching her lesson on it.

then the highlight of the day came when robyn showed us the video of hellerstein circa 1979. that was worth the price of admission alone.

let's just say that hella has pretty much been a pimp for at least three decades now. looking surprisingly svelte in his non-husky suit, it was really a treat to watch him completely own his opponent. of course, the funniest thing about the tape was how he kept interrupting the judges in the middle of their questions. the chutzpah on that guy!

anyhow, i guess that i don't really care too much about how the moot court tryout goes. if anything was made clear to me via my trial ad tryout, it's that i don't have any sort of future whatsoever in litigation. if i do manage to pass the bar, i think that my specialty will end up being filing or photocopying or something like that.

even though i'm not too nervous about it since i know that i've got virtually no shot, i have to admit that the idea of talking about RLUIPA for twelve minutes seems a bit unrealistic.

i mean, twelve minutes?!? how the fuck am i going to fill twelve minutes? i'll probably have to bring along a guitar, so that if i run out of arguments, maybe i could just sing "terrapin station" or something like that to fill the time.

***

oh yeah, on yesterday's board, lochner monster asked, "is there any way Menlove we can get a calculator type deal on the blsforgood blogspot- i.e. so we can see the running total? I 'aint no techie but I'm sure there's some coding you can throw in to make it happen."

menlove replies: um, i'm not sure i understand what this calculator's function would be, LM... i sort of already added up the running total towards the top of the BLS for Good website. anyway, if you're thinking of something more complex than that, i doubt i'll be able to figure it out, especially considering that it took me two months to figure out how to post even a picture on menlovian. but let me know what you had in mind, and maybe we can work it out.

***
ok, it's way past my bedtime already, and we've got an exciting morning with beryl in just 9 hours...

remember to send your pledges to menlovebls@hotmail.com. every little bit helps.

visit BLS for Good to see how much progress we've made, or click here to learn more about how to contribute.

BLS for good

i'm happy to report that many of your classmates have already stepped up and made some very generous pledges for Africare. we're off to a pretty good start so far. more on that later.

it has taken me a lot of time to plan this whole thing, and i'm looking forward to getting back into my normal blogging routine. in the weeks ahead, i'll periodically be putting out some updates and reminders about how our project is progressing, but aside from that, it'll be back to the normal bullshit.

it does seem though that there are some odds and ends to take care of, and now's the time to do it. someone asked on the message board whether there would be a deadline for the fundraising goal. i'm sorry i forgot to include this in yesterday's FAQ.

the answer is yes. i'm going to say that we've got to reach $1,500 by midnight of the day of our final exam, which i believe will be con law on friday the 13th.

some of you also raised the idea of a "coming out" party of sorts to celebrate our work for Africare, and ostensibly to celebrate menlovian & menlove.

i'll think about it. while i'm not thrilled about the idea of being the center of attention at a party, i can see how it might be a more exciting conclusion to menlovian than just a final (though hopefully extremely rewarding) final blog entry.

the only problem with this is that - as i've mentioned before - so many of the final revelations that will be made when we reach our goal - whether these revelations be made by blog or at a fiesta - will surely cause numerous clitorides to sprout up all over your body. this is dangerous enough if you're home alone reading the final blog on your computer, because as the clitorides grow, they will surely rub against one another.

now just imagine if this started happening in a crowded bar, and my clitorides started rubbing against your clitorides, and his clitorides pressed up against her clitorides...

the whole room would be likely to explode in an unfathomable wave of orgasmic, orgiastic delight like something out of a careena collins movie.

so the bottom line is that i'll consider it. if you guys have more brainstorms about how we could pull this off, or make it as fun and memorable as possible, and also make it more about the group, and less about me, let me know either on the message board or via email. thank you also to those of you who have already posted and emailed in support of this idea.

but perhaps we're actually putting the carriage in front of the horse here. to paraphrase from an episode of 'friends' that i saw this week,

joey: all right, rach. the big question is, "will we raise enough money?" all right? because if we don't raise enough money, this is all a moo point.

rachel: huh. a moo point?

joey: yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. it just doesn't matter. it's moo.

***
oh, those crazy friends. but you get the point.

before i go, i just want to thank the uber-generous folks who have contributed so far. maybe someday i'll get to thank you personally, but for now, know that i'm amazed by your kindness.

i've set up the following website where we can keep track of how much progress we make toward our goal. i'll be updating it every day or two as the pledges (hopefully) continue to come in. the website is called BLS for Good, and you can check it out now at blsforgood.blogspot.com.

three days until break! hasta...

-menlove

share the love

ok, kids, this is it. i've never done anything remotely like this before in my life, so i'm excited and nervous all at once. i believe in this cause, and i also believe that we can reach our goal of raising $1,500 for Africare.

i've prepared the following FAQ to explain how this thing is going to work. if you've got any questions, comments or suggestions, please post them on the discussion board, or email me at menlovebls@hotmail.com.

***

where will our donations be going? the first $1,500 we raise will go to Africare. every additional cent will be donated to YAI/NIPD.

how can i contribute? simply make a "pledge" to contribute by sending an email to menlovebls@hotmail.com. these emails must be sent from you BLS account.

what information should be included in this email? all i really need to know is your name and how much you wish to contribute. also, unless you tell me otherwise, i'll be assuming that it's ok for me to "publish" your name and the amount of your donation. therefore, if you wish to donate anonymously, you need to let me know. also, if you want to donate under a pseudonym, tell me under what name you'd like to have your donation listed.

are these emailed pledges legally binding? by now you should know that your old friend menlove has no idea how the law works. however, i would say that any such email creates at least an ethical obligation.

my aunt fannie wants to contribute, but she doesn't have a BLS account. what should she do? you should collect money from your aunt fannie, and pledge it on her behalf via an email from your BLS account.

how will you collect the money? once we reach our goal, and after all is revealed, you can mail me a check at my address (which i'll obviously be making public at a later date). also, for those of you who wish to give me cash (or save money on a stamp), i'll figure out a couple of dates over the summer when you can find me in the courtyard in front of BLS, and give me your donation in person.

when will you collect the money? in the week or two after i reveal my identity.

ok, so when will you be revealing your identity? assuming we've met our $1,500 goal, i'll come out of the closet - at the latest - within 24 hours after all of our grades are posted.

if someone makes a pledge, then refuses to actually pay, will you be posting their picture on menlovian, and writing unimaginably embarrassing things about them for everyone to read? hell yes.

what happens if we don't reach $1,500? if we fall even a dollar short, i won't be collecting any money, and you won't learn my identity. all bets are off, and i'll delete all of your emailed pledges.

do dogs have bellybuttons? i would assume that they do, because they are mammals and have to somehow get nourished while in utero, and this presumably requires an umbilical cord. however, it's strange to think of a mommy dog with like seven or eight different umbilical cords for each of the dogs inside of her like some sort of placental marionette. plus, i've inspected my dog thoroughly, and have yet to locate anything remotely resembling a bellybutton.

what do we get in return for our donations?

• the easy answer is that you will have the lifelong satisfaction of knowing that you have made life better for a man, woman or child in a developing african nation. your gift may even be responsible for saving a life.
• we will become life members of Africare. that means that "Brooklyn Law School" will be added to the life membership wall in the main lobby of the Africare headquarters building in washington, d.c.
• if you choose to have your name posted, you may derive some satisfaction from having your classmates know what an incredibly generous mofo you are.
• finally, you will receive the answers to the following questions: who is menlove? how did he publicize menlovian without giving away his identity? what sneaky subterfuge did menlove employ to maintain his anonymity? which professor very nearly blew his cover during a class? which of his classmates came closest to figuring out who he is? is there really a princess strawberry margarita, and if so, who is she? and as i've mentioned in the past, learning the answers to these questions may cause clitorides to grow all over your body. some of you may enjoy this.

ok, one final question... how do we know that this isn't just some gigantic scam, and that you won't be pocketing the money, or spending it all on a Cosby Show DVD box set? what, am i going to break into africare's headquarters and carve our fucking name on the wall? i didn't even have the nerve to put a check next to my name on sebok's seating chart. plus, even if there was a cosby show box set, i can watch it on tv for free like six times per day. still, i understand your concern (you'll all make fine lawyers some day.) to allay your fears, i will be making available to anyone who cares to see them whatever receipts or thank you letters Africare and YAI/NIPD send to us.

***

don't wait another minute. it's time to share the love. highlight and copy the following sentence:

my name is (insert name here) and i pledge to donate $ (insert amount here) to Africare!

now paste it into an email, and send it to menlovebls@hotmail.com

you kick ass!

nuttin' butt love / nothin' but love

what's up, everyone? menlove is drunk & happy, or at least i was until i read the message board from yesterday's post, and had to delete one of the lamest comments of all time...

to the loser who posted at 10:53 pm last night, you know who you are. don't use my discussion boards to denigrate your classmates. this isn't high school, and this isn't a frat house. grow the fuck up, moron.

***

so also on the message board, someone asked for a bit of dating advice for the "lustful" "Mister Creamer." (great nickname... put it on the resume.) well, here's what i think...

either she reads menlovian or she doesn't. let's assume she doesn't. if that's the case, then there's no problem because she won't know the whole backstory of your feelings about her, and the ejaculatory response they elicit. just buck up, smile, and give it your best shot.

on the other hand, if she does read menlove, then anything i suggest to you here, she'll end up reading as well. if that's the case, then you're screwed.

perhaps if i were better at writing the html code, i could figure out a way to turn menlovian into a dating website. it would be super-cool if everyone logged in and submitted all of their crushes to me, and i could match people up. what would be even cooler is that i would then know who was into whom, and whenever i got bored in class, i could think about them boning each other.

alas, this ain't happening. on the topic of html, i've got a message for "saucy intruder." i'm not sure if you even read menlovian these days, but on intermeddler's site, you mentioned that you'd be emailing me some tips on how to edit the html on the template. unfortunately, i never received this email from you. if you have a chance, please resend it to menlovebls@hotmail.com.

also, i've been enjoying the submissions from those of you who have been taking guesses about my identity. for those of you who haven't taken a stab at it yet, feel free to give me an email, and let me know your top 1-3 candidates.

***

by the way, i have to admit that gora actually got me to chuckle a couple times today. once when when he asked, "what is she doing driving around montreal with this couple from texas... you ever wonder about that?" also great was when he described the Piper case as "delicious."

way to go, G!

***

ok, now on to the business at hand. i've selected a charity for the "menlove-identity" fund: Africare.

africare is one of the world's premier non profit organizations. as their name suggests, they specialize in aid to africa.

i think it's a really good cause. when you have a chance, check them out here to learn about all of the amazing work they're doing. it's also quite reputable; Charity Navigator gave it a 4-star rating, and the American Institute of Philanthropy called it one of its "Top-Rated Charities."

this is a cause that i feel very strongly about. i know that some people choose to isolate themselves from the harsh realities of what goes on everyday outside of our BLS bubble, but many of you are undoubtedly aware of the dire and desperate lives that so many african people lead.

for instance, did you know that

• twenty percent of Africa's children die before the age of five.
• more than 29 million people in sub-saharan africa are HIV-positive. more than 12 million african children have been orphaned by AIDS.
• lack of AIDS education has led to the perpetuation of myths such as the "virgin cure," which has led to the rape of countless young african girls, many of them only infants.
• last year in africa, 30 million were people at risk of starvation or are facing severe food shortages. this includes 14 million people in ethiopia alone. sub-saharan africa has the highest proportion of people who are starving, with poverty affecting 46.3% of the population.

the more i learn about this stuff, the more i realize that my little problems and law school stresses are ultimately insignificant.

as i said yesterday, i am setting a very ambitious goal for all of us: $1,500. for this amount, we will become life members of africare. brooklyn law school's name will be added to the life membership wall in the main lobby of the africare house (the africare headquarters building in washington, d.c.), and we'll all have the satisfaction of knowing that we did something really amazing for people who need our help.

in the next few days, i'll fill you in on all the details as to how you can make your pledge to donate. as i said before, if we raise 1500 dollars together, you'll get full menlovian disclosure on my part. if we fall even a dollar short, then all of your pledges will be cancelled, i'll never "come out," and you'll all go to your graves wondering who the fuck i am. (jeez, that was a bit melodramatic!)

by the way, what happens if we exceed the goal i'm setting? well, it just so happens that our very own joe nivin emailed me about another extremely worthy cause called the YAI/National Institute for People with Disabilities. you can check it out here. every cent we raise beyond $1500 will be sent on behalf of BLS to provides services and healthcare for people of all ages with a wide variety of developmental and learning disabilities including mental retardation, autism, and asperger's syndrome.

(thanks, joe, for bringing YAI/NIPD to my attention!)

so that's it for now. on monday, i'll lay out all of the details of the "pledging" process, and start accepting bids. as these last two months of school go by, i'll keep you all posted as to how close we are to our goal, and i'll also make public the names of people who have contributed (aside from those of you who wish to give anonymously - or, in the spirit of legal writing class, pseudonymously). all the while, i'll keep on posting my usual idiotic inanity, observations, and horrifying works of fiction. how this story ends is up to all of you.

maybe this weekend, if you've got a minute or two, you could follow some of the links i've provided above, and learn more about Africare. it might also be a good idea to think about which of your wealthy aunts, uncles, friends and employers you could hit up for a donation.

much love,

-menlove

hotties

hi guys...

on the message board, someone brought up the topic of hot guys in our class. are there a lot of hot guys in our section? or is there a lack thereof?

i'd say we're a pretty good looking bunch. i know i'm friggin' cute. and when i look around the room, i'm constantly blown away by all those handsome faces, but maybe that's just me. i'll leave this one up to you all to figure out.

ladies? gay men? aesthetes? what do you think?

also on the message board, someone asked about the charity thing: "To clarify: Is your offer above asking for performance or a PROMISE to perform?" to tell you the truth, i'm a little bit behind on my contracts reading, so i really can't say. if anyone cares to explain to me what the difference is, then perhaps i'd be able to answer that question.

finally, someone asked about what the charity will be. i'm about 90% sure that i've picked out a great one:

check it out here.

no, seriously, i'll be announcing the real cause tomorrow. i've pretty much got it picked out already, but i need another day to make sure it'll get us the most bang for our buck. i'll let you know as soon as i do.

***

i really should get back to work, as i'm not nearly done with contracts for tomorrow. however, before i go, i've got to say that i've been rather amused with all of the guessing that's been going on recently about my identity.

it makes me curious to know how many of you have actually figured out who i am. therefore, if you have a spare moment, why not email me at menlovebls@hotmail.com, and tell me who you've got your money on as being the "real" menlove. if you wish, you can tell me your top two or three candidates.

there may be a prize in it for the winner. let's see how well you do.

2-4-6-0-1

Who am I?
Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the man I was before?
And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi?
Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men?
How can I ever face myself again?
My soul belongs to God, I know
I made that bargain long ago
He gave me hope when hope was gone
He gave me strength to journey on

Who am I?
Who am I?



I'm JEAN VALJEAN!!!

***

property was pretty fun today. beryl spoke aproximately 60,000 words. of those, i was able to comprehend the following 38:

"can you please close the door be back at five after twelve ok i'll give this side a break just be ready next time this is what professors do when they don't know the answer see you wednesday. "

if any of you missed any of that during class, feel free to copy and paste the above paragraph into your notes.

the remaining 59,962 words were just a big blur of chalkdust, wild gestures, and a particularly exasperated brand of turbo-dictation. beryl is often a pretty good teacher. but recently, she's been so scattered and erratic, i basically haven't had a clue what's been going on in class. i do the homework, i review my notes before class begins, but once the clock hits 11:00, it's like being in the midst of a tornado.

a crack-addicted tornado that's having an epileptic seizure while falling down a flight of stairs.

maybe it's just me, and i'm having trouble keeping up with the rapid pace of the class. i'll be the first to admit that i'm not the sharpest needle in the hayrick. but when a professor is dealing with a roomful of (for the most part) very smart people, and ten students in a row are unable to answer (or even understand) her questions, then we've got a problem.

oh well. hopefully wednesday will be a bit better.

***

let's do some quick reader mail...

***

"Altered Ego" asks: "yo gentle EM, question...how much has your reading habits changed since september? you take notes while reading on computer? you take notes while reading? you highlight? or you just down to where i'm at...no pen, no marker, straight huck finn style"

menlove replies: it's not so much of a "huck finn" style as it is a "hustler" style. by "hustler style," i mean that i keep my law school books hidden in my sock drawer, and only read them late at night with a flashlight under the covers, usually while flogging my dicta.

***

"anonymous" writes: "My last post was ignored (how convienient) that I think Menlove is Mark..."

menlove replies: oh, you felt ignored, huh? life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

(no insult intended. i just like to quote from the big lebowski. it's one of the several things i do to make you think that i'm mark.)

***

in a similar vein, "anonymous" writes: "Seriously, menlove. It's only a matter of time. I, for one, am rooting for you to hold out as long as possible in revealing your identity. I think it would be fantastic if you managed to ride out the year. Next year it's going to be impossible though. Someone will triangulate who you are from the classes you take. But I'm still rooting for your anonymity."

menlove replies: i believe that i'll make it to the end of this year with no problems. everyone pretty much keeps on getting further (or is it farther?) from figuring my shit out. most of you aren't even looking in the right half of the room... perhaps you should apply some sort of intermediate-level scrutiny to your gender-based classifications.

regarding next year, i agree that keeping my identity will be impossible.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again right now: menlovian will be concluding in just about two months, so enjoy it while it lasts. it takes too much energy and secrecy to keep this thing going. i love doing it, and it's something that i'm proud of and that i'm glad i've created, but it's just a 1L thing for me. i've got other plans for the next two years.

in terms of my identity... i'm glad that most of you are rooting for my anonymity. one of the first things that anyone ever posted on my message boards was that i should "keep it anonymous... it wouldn't work otherwise," or something to that effect. i believe this as well.

and as i've said before, i have absolutely zero interest in going public with my identity. another thing i've mentioned before is that i started writing menlovian for the sake of my own sanity, to keep myself distracted from how much i hated law school. after awhile, i realized that i was writing for a second reason: i saw that a few people were actually enjoying my idiotic little piece of the blogosphere, and this gave me a bit of quiet satisfaction as well. i like doing things for my friends in general, and i generally consider most of section 9 and section 8 to be my pals.

although, there is one final thing i've alluded to before, and i'll spell it out in black and white today... a couple people used to send emails to me, offering me various amounts of cash or sexual favors in exchange for my identity. this got me thinking that if enough people care that much about knowing who i am, then perhaps i could turn this curiosity into something bigger and more purposeful than i'd realized.

so here's the deal...

in the weeks ahead, i will be choosing a charity that matters to me. i will set a fundraising goal that is just at the edge of reasonability (reasonableness?), meaning that it will be very hard, but not impossible to attain. anyone who cares to know my identity (or who simply believes in the cause that i choose) can make a "pledge" to donate whatever amount they want towards the goal that i set. pledges will be sent via email, from BLS accounts to my anonymous menlovian mailbox. you'll get to choose whether or not you want me to post your name and your donation amount on menlovian. i'll keep everyone posted on how close we're getting to our fundraising goal.

if we fall even one dollar short, i will not be collecting donations from anyone. the whole thing will be off. i'll write a brief farewell and thank you to all of you, then i'll disappear like a fart in the wind. the only people who will ever know who i am will be me (obviously), and my lovely PSM.

however, if we meet or exceed the goal that i set, i will collect everyone's donations in a rapid and organized fashion, and will send our big donation in one lump sum to the worthy charity of my choosing. the donation will be made on behalf of BLS, not in my name or in any individual's name. i will also make available to everyone proof of our donation, so you can be sure that i'm not running any kind of scam here (though i'd imagine that by now, you know that i'm not the kind of guy who would pull any fraudulent shit like that on my friends).

finally, if we reach this goal, instead of publishing a simple goodbye / thank you note, i will publish a final exclamation-point-of-an-entry that will curl your teeth and make your clitorides explode. (yes, the plural of clitoris is clitorides, not clitora or clitorises. i looked it up.) and if you don't have a clitoris, this final menlovian entry will actually cause clitorides to grow all over your body, and as they grow they will rub against each other, causing a clitoridectal orgasmic explosion of biblical proportions.

not only will i reveal my identity in this final blog, but i will tell you how i created it, and how i spread the word about it during those early days of september. in it, i will come clean about all of the subterfuge and sneakiness i employed to maintain my anonymity, let you know where i've been honest and where i've mislead you, and will congratulate the people who have come closest to piercing my (corporate?) veil. all will be revealed, and in the process, we'll do something really, really good for people who would truly benefit from our generosity.

so there you have it. let me know what you think.

moot means irrelevant, right?

i'm glad that you guys liked my rehnquist story from last time. thanks for the compliments, especially to the person who complimented me ten times. maybe someday i'll write a story that doesn't involve any sort of talking donkeys, overflowing toilets, dubbing of pornographic videos, or NAMBLA... though i doubt it.

also, thanks and mad props go out to "amused older bro" who dropped some major knowledge on all of our pathetic, puny little asses. i don't think that any other posting on any other message board this year made me feel quite so "o.k." about this whole process.

who is the lucky younger sibling of this amused older bro, i wonder?

i'm glad that the whole late-to-class debate is subsiding because, honestly, it was boring the hell out of me. someone asked for my opinion on the matter, so here you go:

i don't care. i don't notice so much when people come to school late. if i do, it doesn't bother me to have something to look at for five seconds. i'm not really that uptight. if it really bothers you (as it clearly does, to some of you at least), i'd suggest that rather than coming on here and calling people names like "stampy" anonymously, why not just approach the person like an adult after class and let them know that their continued disruptions are making it difficult for you to concentrate?

i've found that most people are rational adults who respond very well to civil, reasonable criticism. if they refuse to cooperate, then you can come on here and start the name-calling.

on a related note, wasn't "stampy" bart's elephant's name on the simpsons?



yes, i believe that it was.

anyhow, if someone coming in late like that really makes you angry, i'd suggest that you find someone to have sex with. in my experience, i've found that sex (the physical act of love. coitus.) makes me care a lot less about all of the thousands of potentially-annoying people and things in the world.

speaking of sex, whatever happened to that dude theobald? did he finally get some trim, or what? theobald, fill us in, brother!

ok, so it's back to the normal grind this week. i feel tremendously relieved to have the moot court tryout behind me. for those of you who care about what goes on in my life, you won't be surprised to hear that i totally bombed both my opening statement and my cross-x. it was a total debacle.

i mentioned last week that my opponent was very smart, but i had no idea that she would be so friggin' prepared for the thing as well. as she was giving her opening statement, i knew that i was fucked, as she had the whole thing completely memorized, and also employed a variety of gestures, eye contact, and so on.

i, on the other hand, pretty much stammered and stuttered throughout the whole thing. the only gesture i made was to continually check to make sure that my suit jacket was still buttoned. i don't know why i kept doing it, but i couldn't help it. it was as if i thought that the butterflies in my stomach were going to push so hard against it that it would just pop off or something. the bottom line is that every ten seconds or so, my hand was touching my button. the judge guy cut me off before i was even finished with my opening, but i was relieved to have a break.

my oppenent then proceeded to pull off an amazing cross-x. she basically had everything from the packet completely memorized, and was able to make the witness look like a miserable lying fuck.

so then i got up there. by this point, i was pretty much ready to surrender, but i went through with it anyway. it was a miserable experience. every time the witness lied to me, i stood there, completely stupefied. i couldn't get any kind of rhythm going to my questions at all. at one point, i think i even caught two of the judges looking at each other and laughing at me.

but the worst thing was that my opponent kept on making objections throughout my whole thing. i didn't even know that we were allowed to do this, since no one from moot court had bothered to mention it in the packet they gave us. so whenever i managed to get a decent question out of my mouth, she was there to complain about it! i was so flustered and upset. the worst thing was that every time she objected, the judge guy kept looking at me and saying, "counselor, your response?"

now i didn't have a fucking clue how to respond. the only line that kept popping into my head was "point of parliamentary procedure," which i think was what otter said in animal house.

the bottom line is that i turned in - what else? - a totally menlovian effort, and there is absolutely NO chance that i'll be on the trial ad team. couple that with the fact that my brief grade pretty much rules out any chace of me making the other moot court team, and that makes me a two-time loser. and add to that the fact that my grades make it pretty much impossible for me to get onto any of the law reviews, and that makes it strike three against ol' menlove.

all i can really do now is hope that "amused older bro" knows what he's talking about.

good news!

after many weeks of trying, i was actually able to line up a summer job this afternoon! as i have been hoping all along, i will be clerking this summer at the u.s. supreme court for chief justice rehnquist. my responsibilities will include changing his colostomy bag, telling him how to interpret the constitution, and advising him as to what types of stripes, patches and doilies he should sew onto his robe to give him more of an authoritative air.

i'll admit that i was a bit nervous going in there for the interview. in the waiting room outside his chambers, it was me with all these columbia and yale types, all of whom had already earned their JD's and passed the bar and edited their law reviews and everything else, all with high grades and distinctions, and then there i was, sitting in the corner, reading my casenotes for property class, not even wearing matching socks.

truth be told, the interview did not go well at first. rehnquist was so bored and annoyed with me, he hardly even paid attention to what i was saying about my background and pathetic undergraduate accomplishments. in fact, he was eating sour patch kids the entire time i was there. when i asked if i could have one, he told me, and i quote, "if you touch my sour patch kids, i will choke you like the little bitch that you are." (rehnquist is a man of such intellect and gravitas that the words actually come out of his mouth italicized!)

then he started asking me questions about the law and about my opinions on current matters of united states jurisprudence; i alternately answered "can i pass?" or "i take the fifth?" he soon tired of me, and told me to see myself out.

with a heavy heart, i accepted yet another round of professional rejection; however, my saving grace was that as i got up to leave, i started hearing this weird gurgling sound behind me. i almost ignored it, but it turned into this sick, wet rattling noise. i looked behind me, and there was chief justice rehnquist standing at his desk, choking on a sour patch kid.

there were tears running down his cheeks, and a thin trail of snot had rocketed out of his nose. his old hands were clasped around his neck, making the universal sign for choking.

you can imagine that i was more than a little freaked out. there was no time to think, so i jumped into action. unfortunately, i don't know how to do CPR or anything like that, so what i did was to start looking at all the stuff on his desk, trying to find something i could use to whack him on the back, and hopefully dislodge the offending piece of candy.

his desk was a mess, full of all sorts of clutter and bric-a-brac. there were several bottles of mad dog 20/20, and i was just about to grab a bottle of banana red, but i figured that could be dangerous if it accidentally shattered on his back as i hit him with it. so instead, i picked up this five pound dumbell he was using as a paperweight, but then i thought better of it, because if there's one thing i've learned this week, it's that those things can actually be rather deadly. so finally i just grabbed this big phone directory off of his desk. its cover said "NAMBLA membership guide 2005," and while this struck me as being a bit curious, there was no time to think. i just rolled it up into a tube like you would to swat a fly, brought my arm back as far as i could, then started hacking away at the justice's back.

at first i thought it was working, because i heard some things beginning to dislodge. but as it turns out, justice rehnquist is like a really frail old man, and the impact of the NAMBLA guide was denting his rib cage and spinal column with every swing. i had to stop, lest i leave his body riddled with concave dents and divots.

by this point the old codger was turning blue, and i knew that i had to think fast. i grabbed him by the shoulders, and spun him around to face me, then stuck my hand as far as i could into his mouth. my hope was that i'd be able to grab the obstruction with my fingers, but alas, it was too far down his windpipe for me to reach it.

but then i saw something. it was the craziest thing, but the chief justice had this little hole right on the front of his neck.* it looked like a wrinkly and crusty belly button that had gone on a hike straight up his body!

i realized that this could not be a coincidence. this strange and wonderful neck-portal was there for a reason: for me to save the life of the chief justice of the united states supreme court!

so i cupped my left hand around the back of his skull to hold his head steady, then i took my right index finger, and slowly thrust my finger into his throat. there was some rough friction at first, but by the time i got past the second knuckle, it slid along rather easily. and then i felt it! i could just barely reach it, even with my finger rammed in as far as it would go, i could only touch it with my finger tip, but there was no doubt that i had found the sour patch kid.

but still, all i could do was nudge it around a little bit. his adam's apple bobbed back and forth as i probed and prodded the candy with my finger, and little bubbles started to form at the corner of his mouth, but i simply could not dislodge the damn thing.

i knew that there was only one chance left to save his life. i yanked my finger out of his neck, pulling out a long trail of phlegmy goo that smelled strangely of banana red, then grabbed the back of his neck like i was going to give him a kiss, but instead, i wrapped my mouth around the hole in his neck, and began sucking away at it with a vigorous head-bobbing motion. the sucking and slurping noises were like something straight out of a careena collins video, but it was working: i was definitely moving the sour patch kid closer and closer to my mouth! occasionally, his neckhole would kind of get clogged up, but i was fortunately able to clear it with a few flicks of my tongue, without even interrupting my frantic head-bobbing and sucking motions.

and then, with the sound of a half-chewed sour patch kid being sucked out through the neck hole of an old man's throat, i sucked the sour patch kid out of the neck hole of the old man's throat!

it took a minute or two for justice rehnquist to regain his composure, but i didn't mind waiting. i just stood there proudly with a big smile on my face, chewing away happily at the warm and sour lump of candy in my mouth.

but then i remembered: chief justice rehnquist had made it very clear to me earlier that i was not to touch his candy! oh fuck, i thought to myself as my smile transformed into a scowl, i just disobeyed the chief justice of the supreme court. is that illegal? or were his words just dicta? what is the difference between holding and dicta, anyway? i remember professor solan talking about it during orientation. why didn't you listen, menlove! what is it with you always making up stories and daydreaming when you should be learning instead? for all you know, you're chewing on that candy right now in flagrant violation of the constitution! it's probably just a matter of time before--

my inner monologue was interrupted by rehnquist himself, who had by this point fully recovered, and put his hand on the back of my neck.

"i... i am so sorry, your honor. i know you warned me that if i ate your sour patch kid, you'd choke me like a little bitch, and i..."

but then, the irony of these words dawned on me. his warning to me, and what had actually happened, it was just so ridiculous! it was the type of thing that really could only happen in a work of fiction tossed off at one in the morning by a 1L looking for any excuse to procrastinate, when he should be writing his opening statement for the moot court tryout. rehnquist noticed the irony as well, and smiled warmly into my face. he pulled me in close to his body, and embraced me like i was his girlfriend. his fingers traced some lazy circles on the small of my back, and with his old lips, he whispered two sweet words into my ear: "you're hired."

so that's pretty much how i got my summer job.

*by the way, i hope that i didn't offend anyone with my description of the "neck portal." my grandma actually had a tracheotomy, and i know that in most circles, they are no laughing matter. i loved my grandma very much, and now i sort of feel bad for making light of it. but it took a long time to write this story, and most of you have a good sense of humor, so i'm going to let it stand, so if anyone was offended, i apologize. sorry to you as well, grams! you know i miss you and love you.

***

one last thing... i came across this site where you can see the campaign finance contributions our professors made in 2004, and to which candidates they contributed. be sure to view pages 1 & 2. strangely enough, one of our classmates is listed with the faculty as well! i didn't know that knox was already a professor, but it doesn't surprise me. the dude is one smart mofo! in fact, if not for his presence at BLS, i'd likely tip the bell curve so far to the left, that we'd all go sliding off the edge of sebok's blackboard.

you can also click to see contributions from '02 and '00. enjoy.

have a good weekend, everyone. wish me luck on my big tryout tomorrow!!! i'll see you all on the flipside.

-menlove

***

back to menlove's greatest hits

hit the links

i've really got to be quick tonight. i'm nowhere near done with my opening statement, and i just figured out that my opponent for my matchup is not one to be trifled with. there's little doubt in my mind that i will be thoroughly embarrassing myself this friday. should be a nice little way to kick off the weekend.

so i'm writing that tonight, and not much else here. if you're desperate for a study break, here's a great article from today's NY times about that piece-of-garbage reality show, the bachelorette. it's very well written, and it pretty much spells out how shitty the show is, and how shitty it makes us by watching it. you can find the article here.

(yes, yes, i've finally figured out how to make a link without writing out the whole terrible URL! and to think, it only took me half a year of blogging!) turns out that you don't need any code at all. blogger makes this little button. you push it, and the link basically just makes itself. voila!)

allow me to show off...

click here to see a lazy cat!

or here to see a really big vagina! (warning: slightly disturbing nudity...)

finally, if you're in the mood to see a demonstration little-known fringe benefit of excessive and habitual cocaine use, click here! (warning: fairly disturbing...)

my faithful readers may note that the bachelorette article linked above is similar in some regards to my entry from two nights ago. i'd like to think that the writers at the times basically sit around and wait for me to post my nightly entry so that they can plagiarize it. although, for some reason, i don't think that my poop story will wind up in the paper of record anytime soon.

a similar thing happened in this month's BLS newspaper, as some of the themes from my entry on the new BLS banners have found their way into the school rag. not that i'm really accusing anyone of copying my inane little ideas; it's just that when it comes to trivial commentary, your old friend menlove is occassionally ahead of the curve.

ok, time to get back to hickernell & co. see you all with the dozer.

sandy huggins

so there was no acting in contracts class today, but we did get to see some old pepsi commercials.

i like the idea of taking a harrier jet to school. in fact, i can see pitler flying into the courtyard in one of those things. more realistically, he'd fly directly up to the window of his office. remember, this is the same guy who (supposedly) suggested at a staff meeting that they install an escalator in 250 joralemon.

damn... i miss you pitler! life was so simple then... no briefs or moot court bullshit. lord, what i would give for just one more pizza party with that fine fellow.

anyway, i'm still hoping to see demian and shammy do their thing in poser's class... hopefully in the next few days or so.

i'm really always trying to write more stuff about civil procedure, but what is there to say, really? we were there for two hours today, but the most exciting thing that happened was that he almost accidentally dismissed us an hour early. what do you all think about gora and this class? what is it about civil procedure profs that makes them so straightforward / down to business / by the book / dry, etc? nan was the same way, but at least by this point during first semester, i had fallen in love with her a little bit. i'm not exactly in love with dean gora. not that there's anything wrong with the guy. what's not to like? it's just that the class seems so thoroughly... unremarkable.

i've got to get back to work on the trial advocacy thingy. what kind of fool am i to have signed on for this extra load of work?

now, i realize that i've already revealed too much by mentioning that i was trying out for it, so i'm not going to tell you guys whther i'm the prosecution or defense... but what i will tell you is that my entire argument will be predicated upon what i'm calling the "batman theory."

you'll notice that batman is mentioned only in passing in sandy's letter to chris; however, it seems abundantly obvious to me that only a nefarious knave like batman could have pulled off an iniquitious, baneful feat such as this one. either him or houdini.

by the way, i found this pic of sandy huggins in the versace dress from the case!



of course, in this picture, sandy's not wearing the "ultimate" accessory: a bloody, collapsed skull fragment.

hasta manana!

-menlove

professional crastination

i've been wasting time like an absolute pro tonight. first, i spent three hours watching the season finale of the bachelorette.

i've never watched this particular piece of reality garbage before, so i didn't totally get what was going on, but it was basically about this old, wart-faced chick named jen smegma or something like that, who was constantly crying because she was in love with two guys, and half the show was pretty much just her crying like a blubbering fool, with tears flowing (literally) into her cleavage. at the end of the second hour, she finally convinces these two guys to propose to her, and then she rejects them both. the whole last hour was pretty much just her and this one pretty boy she rejected talking about how they were just going to be friends.

quite a payoff for all the time i invested in front of the telly! next, i looked at a bunch or artwork online for about an hour. this was my favorite painting of the evening. i have no idea who the artist is. do any of you?



finally, and for the last thirty minutes, i've been trying to figure out the following proof, but thus far, to no avail. perhaps one of you smarties out there can give me a hand with it, because i'm pretty much stupefied.

(i could not figure out how to do superscript here, so on lines 2 & 3, everywhere you see a "2", it should be "squared". hope that makes sense.)

a = b

a2 = ab [this line should read: a squared equals a b]

a2 - b2 = ab-b2 [this line should read: a squared minus b squared equals a b minus b squared]

(a-b)(a+b) = b(a-b)

a + b = b

b + b = b

2b = b

2 = 1

wtf???

long story short, i'm doing everything in my power to avoid doing the contracts reading. now that i've survived being on call in there, my motivation to actually do any work for that class has diminished significantly.

only a true menlove would waste a whole evening rather than crack a book for a class that's worth, oh, 1/3 of his GPA...

ok, i surrender. contract law, here i come. hasta manana.