wow...

no more class as 1L's...

NO MORE CLASSES!!!

obviously, it's not much of a relief, as the worst is yet to come, but it's still quite an accomplishment. congrats to all of you, and congrats to me too. i wasn't sure if i'd make it through a month, much less through an entire year. and now our monday to friday schedule is a thing of the past. whew!

for those of you who missed poser's review session today, he actually did give us some really good advice about what to expect on the exam:

student: "will the exam format be like the sample question you handed out, or will it look more like the exams on file?"

NP: "well, how can i put this... there's going to be some questions. and then there are going to be some fact patterns that go along with the questions. you'll read the facts, and then you'll apply the law to the facts in order to write essays to answer the questions."

was he being serious? or was it the greatest poserian smart-ass deadpan of all time?

we may never know.

anyway, poser said he thought all of the questions we sent him for the review were pretty smart, but honestly, i think he was just being nice about that. some of them, even i could have answered. still, it wasn't a completely pointless 2 hours... it was good to see all of those section 8 & 9 faces crowded together in that tiny room again. (undoubtedly, today's review session was better attended than the subsequent ones will be.) also, juanita parker made the whole affair worthwhile.

just kidding, juanita... i got nothing but love for ya!

anyway, here's one last final shout-out to my friend professor poser... oooooh hecky naw that boy is raw.

i hope to god you never read this, but just to put it out there... thank you professor for doing your job so well. you're the best law professor i've ever had, and that means you're ranked first in your class out of eight. not too shabby.

anyway, i'm busy as a mofo this week, same as all of you, so i'm going to sign off now, most likely until after the contracts exam. but before i go, i'd like to mention one last thing:

after a long hiatus, two new donations came in today for Africare! that was nice to see. it's weird, at first, as the money was coming in so quickly, i was really nervous and afraid that we'd actually reach our goal & i'd have to come out. and then when the pledges slowed down, i started getting upset thinking that we wouldn't make it. like the song says, "i'm a walking contradiction / partly fact & partly fiction..."

anyway, thanks to those of you who donated today. we are now over halfway to our goal! even if we don't raise another dime, i think that's pretty amazing. dayum, you guys are awesome. personally, i think my secret will end up being safe, as the deadline to reach $1500 will be upon us in two short weeks. but no matter what happens, i'm still proud of everyone who's donated thus far, and amazed by your generosity.

***menlovian update @ 12:09 pm... even more donations have come in since i published this entry an hour ago, rocketing us over eight hundred dollars! we have our first unfrozen caveman lawyer! thanks again, everyone.***

much love,

-menlove
*BLSforGood*

ps,
i am lindsey rodgers

garganta profunda

hi guys,

thanks for all the fun and funny shit on the message board over the long weekend. 80+ messages! i love when everyone gets into a little tizzy about something or other. just think of all the great stuff we've argued about this year.

so i don't want to dwell too much on moot court, as the whole process obviously brought up a whole range of emotions from all of us who participated, but i do want to echo some of your sentiments about "the call that never came."

lord, did i ever put a lot of time into the moot court tryout. true, it did not go so well for me. i can't deny that my opponent scored big points by raising some really heads-up objections to my questions in the cross examination. and it's also true that my opening statement was far from memorized, and that i was sweating like a husky boy in his bar mitzvah suit throughout my entire tryout.

i have no gripes about how the judges made their decisions, nor can i complain about the moot court tryout process itself. the people who are really good on their feet, who are confident and who come across well got invited. a lot of things in the world operate on a similar premise.

same thing goes for appellate ad. most people who made the second round did really well on their briefs. this means that they put a lot of effort into their work, and were probably pretty smart to boot. in other words, they deserved to make the second round. and those who made the final cut had to be at the top of their game under enormous pressure.

of course, some people surely got raw deals with cold benches or unfair brief grades, and i'm sorry if this was your experience. it sucks, and it's not fair.

however, the one thing that i do want to complain about is the way that the invitations were made. the whole thing just reeked of sorority rush week. i felt like such a friggin' tool walking around all afternoon with my hand on my phone, waiting for a call that never came. i'll also admit that i probably checked my phone every twenty minutes or so to make sure that it hadn't mysteriously run out of battery power or anything like that.

anyway, i'm not sure that the phone call method was the most humane way of handling the invitation process. i'm sure that it's partly based on the need to actually "invite" each person, to see which division they want to join, or if they even want to join at all.

however, if phone calls are actually necessary, why can't these moot court folks have the simple decency to call EVERYONE who tried out for moot court, whether they made it or not? sure, it's not as fun to give someone bad news as it is to tell them that they made the cut, but think about it this way...

i spent a good 24 hours total writing my brief, and practicing for the oral argument, and i'm a total menlove. i'm sure that most people spent a lot more time than that. the people who made the second round had to add even more hours of stress and prep work, hours that surely would have been better spent working on a 95-page contracts outline. the people who tried out for trial ad probably lost another 24 hours of prep time. all things considered, we all lost hours and days in the process of trying out for this stuff.

and they can't spare twenty seconds for a phone call?

"mr. menlove? hi, this is Billy Blackacre from the moot court honor society. i'm sorry to inform you that we aren't going to be able to invite you to join this year, but we thank you for your efforts, and wish you luck." click.

twenty seconds, max. twenty seconds of their time at say, ten in the morning, would have meant an afternoon without anguish for me and for the majority of students in our class.

anyway, that's all the complaining i have to do. on a more positive note, i'm really happy for and proud of all the folks who got into moot court. it's a big honor, and i have no doubt that you deserve it. i understand that only about fifty people out of the 500+ who tried out made the appellate ad, and something like 30 out of 230 made trial ad, so you guys deserve some serious props.

specifically, i'd like to give a shout out to my fellow section 9ers who made moot court.

you know what? fuck it, i'm going to give shouts out to the section 8ers as well. some of you all are starting to feel like family to me.

section 9ers: mark antar, scott chait, scott eckert, jed friedman, demian ordway, lishani senaratne, aimee shultz

section 8ers: michael blatchley, andria bouskos, carla cheung, jenna haze, michael pasinkoff, julie shaw

i apologize if i left anyone's name off of the list. i realize that i may not actually know everyone's name in section 8. if i left anyone out, let me know!

regardless, to those of you who made it, congrats! you all deserve a standing novation.

***
so now we are really in the home stretch. you guys know that i usually try to post five times a week. however, some of you might remember that come exam time, i really only write something after each exam. aside from that, my life turns into a mad dash for the finish line, same as all of yours.

the point is that although i'll try to write a little something after tuesday's and wednesday's classes, believe it or not, menlovian is pretty much over with. all things considered, you should expect two or three more entries this week, an entry after each exam, and then a final menlovian entry, which will either be very, very brief, or ridiculously out-of-control, over-the-top long, revealing, and hopefully entertaining.

regarding that final entry, seeing as how we haven't had any pledges in a week, it's been looking like it will end up being a short goodbye & thank you sort of thing. sort of a bummer, but actually, the upside for me is that i get to keep my identity a secret. also, i know that a few of the people who made pledges (myself included) will be honoring their pledge to Africare regardless of whether we hit $1500 or not, so i'm happy about that as well.

however, it's still possible that we'll reach our goal. i'm not going to be harping on it in these final weeks, as we've all got exams and job-searches and whatever to deal with, but i just wanted to remind you about a few points:

• if we raise less than $15oo, all previously-made pledges are deleted and cancelled. it's all-or nothing.
• if we reach our goal, BLS becomes life members of Africare, and all menlovian-related secrets and stories will be revealed.
• the deadline for pledges is midnight after our con law exam, the evening of the 13th.
• as of right now, we are $763.96 away from our goal. we've come far, but there's quite a bit to go.
• to answer the question that was emailed to me, yes, people who have donated may certainly donate a bit more if they like, and yes, i will reflect the change on the BLSforGood website. nihilists who aspire to become sour patch kids need only pledge four dollars, and so on.

***

so tomorrow is our last regular class with beryl and helladonk. it's hard to believe, and i'm excited to see what they each have in store for us.

before i go, i have one random thing to mention. i know that i don't do too much in the way of recommending movies or albums to you guys. it's just too hard to do so without giving away my identity. however, i do have to recommend the TV show called "wonder showzen" to all of you. it airs on MTV2 at some pretty strange hours, but believe me, it's worth the effort to try it out.

if you're a fan of "TV funhouse," "family guy," "mr. show" or "sesame street," i'm pretty sure you'll like wonder showzen. it's pretty much the most fucked up and creative half hour on television. it's not new either, it's been around awhile, but trust your old friend menlove on this one. if you want to get your mind off of the madness that is law school for a short piece of time, set your TiVo's, check it out, and let me know what you think. (people who are easily offended probably should not follow my advice. at times, wonder showzen makes south park look like the 700 club.)

see you all tomorrow for our (as poser called it) penultimate day of class!!!

-menlove

*BLSforGood*

best of BLS

the end of the year is upon us, and it's time once again to hand out the first (and last) annual "best of BLS" awards. these awards seek to recognize those people, things and moments that have contributed to make this, our 1L year at BLS, particularly memorable and intermittently wonderful.

though the categories are ridiculous, and the selection process was far from democratic, i hope you'll enjoy the best that BLS has to offer!

i'll start with the obvious topic:

best professor of the year: this was a close competition. after synthesizing the opinions i've gleaned based on what you've posted on the boards, what you've told me in class, my own impressions, etc., i am very proud to announce that the best of BLS award for 2004-2005 goes to professor norman poser. poser's an all-around great guy who cares about our success, who injects just the right amount of humor and life into an otherwise dry subject, and who serves up his lessons in well-planned and easily-digestible bite sized chunks. also, he's a pimp. basically, i like this guy so much that i wish he was my grandpa. that way, i could sit on his lap and have him tell me stories about when he was a boy growing up in england. then he would tousle my hair, and give me a nickel to go buy some ice cream. ok, that was a little gay. anyway, congratulations to professor poser!

runners up: professor anthony sebok, professor nan hunter, professor otis dixobig

best place for a late afternoon canoodle with your special lady: sometimes it's easiest to be hidden while in plain sight. this award goes to rooms 505 and 605, two classrooms that are rarely used for actual classes. the weird mini-hallway entrance arrangement gives young lovers five seconds to stuff their junk back into their clothing in case of any third-party intrusions. plus, the center table in these rooms makes a mighty fine alter upon which sacrafices to Eros may be, um, laid. add to it all an abundance of natural sunlight which filters into the room to illuminate the wild gyrations of young bodies in heat, and you've got yourself a fine place for a late afternoon canoodle!

runners up: the ohio digests, on the floor in the back of the moot court room between rows of seats.

best bet for lunch at school: this one was another close call, but the best of BLS award goes to a very special panini called the brooklyn barrister. this hot concoction consists of mounds of gooey mozzarella, sliced and breaded chicken breast, and tons of sweet tomato sauce, all sandwiched between two grilled pieces of pita. it's a consistent crowd-pleaser, and when paired with its good friend the kosher dill, it's sure to fill your stomach in style. here's to you, brooklyn barrister!

runners up: the all-day omelette bar, back-to-back cigarettes out front

(did you know: "panini" is actually plural? the singular form is panino. now you know, and knowing is half the battle.)

dirtiest sounding legal term: no contest on this one... the winner is "fraud in the factum." to me, the word "factum" sounds like the bastard love child of the words "fucked" and "rectum" - two words which, incidentally, have always gone great together. throw "fraud" into the mix, and you've got yourself what sounds like a backdoor entry gained through wily deceit. that door's exit only, baby!!!

runners up: penal offense, pro bono (how could you be anti, really?), class action (see rooms 505 and 605, supra), dictum, cum-guzzling felcher (discussed fully in UCC 2-208)

best place to sit in class so as not to be called on: strangely enough, front and center seems to be the safest spot in the room.

most annoying thing to type fifty times in my notes: hands down: "Rule 12(b)(6)"

runners up: "second-party beneficiary," "restatement (third) of torts" (who the fuck is still using the first edition???)

best (and by best i mean worst) exam of the year: well, we've only had four thus far, and hopefully today's winner will not be supplanted by any that await us in the next few weeks, but the award goes to pitler's crim law exam!! this four hour doozie featured such a memorable cast of characters: some dude driving around in his skivvies, cocaine (and fake cocaine!), kids named poker and dice, and a massive blood-bath in a grocery store. really just a treat to read and think about. plus, there were four massive, sprawling questions coupled with a 4,000 word limit, which turned out to be a fairly lethal combo. finally, who could ever forget question four, which involved a sexy-as-hell, late-night, drunken hermaphroditic gorge-side romp, with possible erotic asphyxiation undertones!!?!! and the question itself was repeated from the previous year's exam!!! kudos, professor pitler.

best BLS staff member: this was another close call, but in a squeaker, the winner is the cafeteria check-out girl with the huge earrings!! though i don't know her name, she's made me love her by calling me "sweetie" every day as she hands me my food. that's what mom used to do too, but mom never looked so damn good doing it...

runners up: the asian guy who helps poser with the A-V stuff (dude keeps his shit tight!), the manager of the bookstore (very helpful, and thanks you by your name when you use a credit card, even if you're just buying a snickers bar), the entire security staff (good guys to joke around with, though i have a foolproof method for circumventing their security checkpoint when i forget my ID: hold up a cool ranch dorito as you walk by. the guards evidently find them to be indistinguisihable from a real ID. or just walking by them without establishing eye contact seems to work as well.)

text i read really, really closely that i instead should have used as a doorstop: you all know where i'm going with this one... the winner is the buffalo creek disaster. simply put, two hundred pages of pure and utter horse shit that did nothing to expand my understanding of the law. seriously, a better assigment to prepare us for civil procedure would have been to have us watch the entire third season of Night Court.

runner up: a student's guide to estates in land and future interests (might have been worthwhile if they'd used a bigger font), dressler's understanding criminal law (might have had a point if we hadn't already bought an unabridged version of the exact same book by the exact same author only in hardcover. )

funniest student line of the year: this was a really tough one to figure out. we've got so many funny motherfuckers in sections 7, 8, and 9. however, the more i think about it, the more i keep coming back to one which i am proud to announce as our winner: scott chait's immortal words, "i'm not a lawyer in the bedroom." i'll never forget that one. thanks, scott, and congrats.

anyway, i could go on, but it's past one a.m., and i've got to get back to the outlining bullshit. i wanted to give out awards for the following categories:

• most enjoyable / memorable case of the year
• most confusing thing we studied
• funniest line by a professor
• shittiest 1L rite of passage

if any of you care to give out awards for these categories, or if you've got categories of your own, or if you'd like to disagree with any of my choices, please share your ideas - serious and otherwise - on the message board. lord knows we'll all need some pleasant distractions in the days ahead.

did you enjoy the best of BLS? i hope so. i enjoyed writing it. thanks for reading, and have a great weekend.

-menlove

*BLSforGood*

***

back to menlove's greatest hits

surf this

tonight, i present to you "menlove's web gems." (a.k.a. menlove's too tired to write much original content tonight, so he's going to link you to some instead.)

here are my top picks for april 21st...

• top 50 ways to get fired... a very fratty and funny site, especially if you enjoy juvenile humor from time to time. (although i don't understand #25. if anyone can tell me what it means, you get five bonus points.)
• crunchy gods... making menlovian this year has been an intro to html for me, and has helped me to appreciate the fairly amazing things some people are able to do with their websites. not only is this one full of some pretty cool content, but it's nice to look at as well.
• parents television council... always good for a chuckle.
• rate my poo... WARNING!!! exactly what it sounds like... people photograph and post pics of their poo, then you rate it from 1-10. i'm not sure if a 10 is supposed to be good or bad. i was on this site for fifteen seconds and i literally began feeling like i was going vomit. DO NOT GO TO THIS SITE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
• rate my professors... another rating site, but far less cringe-inducing. i've linked it right to the page for our dear old BLS. now that it's nearly time to pick out classes, and since you've had all semester to form opinions of your professors, it's a good time to let your classmates know which way to go. especially you 2L's who read menlovian... help us out!
• one website that matters... check our progress!

okay, early contracts class tomorrow, so menlove's calling it a day. it's never a good sign when i start talking about myself in the third person. so i hope you all have a nice day tomorrow. especially you, james murray. i hope you have the time of your life.

think like a lawyer

oh, how glorious it was to see the white smoke soar into the sky today! bong hits can truly be a thing of beauty. (see what i did there? you probably thought i was talking about the pope, but i flipped it on you. i'm such a loser.)

seriously, i didn't smoke any pot today, although when i was in college, april 20th was like a weed-smoking holiday for some folks. why is that?

is anyone else a little bit surprised by how many of our classmates use drugs on a fairly regular basis? i've met at least five or six classmates this year who have told me that they get high "pretty much every day." i definitely know of a few people who have come to class stoned as well.

(i could understand the appeal - in theory - of going to, say, civil procedure while high, since you don't have to worry about getting called on, and the class is short enough that you might not get too antsy, and also because if you're really baked, gora would probably be pretty funny with all his subtle jokes and innuendos. however, if i were to go to property class while high, i'd be absolutely terrified. i think i'd probably have a panic attack.)

plus, i'm pretty sure that a fair amount of coke is going up the noses of certain members of the BLS student body... not that there's anything wrong with that, but where do these kids get the money? then there are those who basically drink themselves to sleep every night, whether in bars or at home in their apartments. this activity seems to become increasingly popular as exams get nearer.

anyway, that's neither here nor there. it's just something that intrigues me. i guess if you can balance your law studies, your social life, and a drug habit, more power to you.

i'm going to keep this short tonight, partly because nothing too interesting went on in class today. either that, or i'm so emotionally deadened to the world after a year of law school that i have lost the capacity to feel anything anymore. let's hope it's the former.

by the way, what the hell is a shirting?

so i was thinking about how back in july i was always looking at these books and websites about how to succeed in law school. one thing i remember was that a lot of them said that after a few months of school, i'd surely learn how to "think like a lawyer."

i guess i'm sort of wondering what this phrase means, and whether any of you feel like you're starting to think like lawyers, or if you're thinking differently at all.

i'm not sure if i've begun thinking like a lawyer or not. in a sense, i guess i have, since i can now read a case in 20 minutes that would've taken me an hour back in september. but really, this is pretty much because i now know what words like mandamus and penumbra mean, and i don't have to go running to the law dictionary every other sentence.

but is this all there is to thinking like a lawyer? vocabulary? certainly there's something else.

the other day i was watching this thing on 60 minutes about parents who let their under-age kids get drunk with their friends at home under their supervision. they talked all about the ethical and social aspects of the issue, but the thing that struck me the most was how none of the parents seemed to be worried about the tremendous liability they were creating for themselves if a friend of their child got hurt or whatever.

so then is that what it means to think like a lawyer, to think about tony's torts exam every time i poke my head out to peer around a delivery truck double parked on the street? or to think about how the UCC applies to the claims made on the a bag of doritos?

any input would be much appreciated. especially from adam ness, elisha cuthbert, and evan wagowski... i treasure your opinions above all else.

later taters,

-menlove

fertile octogenarian

ahhh, it's fun being menlove. i guess i should reply to some of the comments from yesterday's message board, but unfortunately, i've got to keep this one really short, as i've got a few contracts cases still to be read, and i have a feeling that the dozer will be calling my name tomorrow. of course, i always claim it's going to be short, and then it turns out to be long... long like my 14 minutes of menlovin'.

(i'm already off topic and wasting time. back to the show.)

specifically, i'd like to take a look at my friend saucy intruder's comments, which i've copied for you below...

saucy writes: Menlove, you're not a nihilist, you're clearly a Lionel Hutzes. ANTLPOP's a Zipursky,and I'M in fact the only nihilist.

menlove replies: saucy, i stand corrected. i'm a lionel hutz, you're a nihilist, and in the last 8 hours, we've found ourselves a third careena collins and a fourth zipursky! thanks to our newest contributors. don't look now, but we're just about to reach a fairly major fundraising milestone...

saucy continues: I realized just how clever you were, menlove. $1,500 dollars? Out of your largest class (Civ Pro), there are 120 people. Assuming all of them read menlovian (even though most of them do), and assuming each and every one of them donates to Africare, every one of them would have to donate $12.50. And that's not even counting those individuals who had to leave BLS for whatever reason. You're very shrewd! You donate money for a charity, but you're in no danger of revealing your identity, because your class is full of piss poor law students. I salute you!

menlove replies: hmm, first, i don't think that that many people in our section read menlove. it seems like only about a third or half of them do. anyhow, i'm not trying to dupe anyone here, if that's what you're implying. remember that so far i've only collected "pledges," not "donations." if we fall even a dollar short, then i won't be collecting any money. it's basically an all-or-nothing proposition. anyway, here are some interesting numbers to think about:

so far, we've had 17 people make pledges to Africare. the average pledge thus far has been over $43, which i think is pretty amazing.

also, i've been accepting pledges for something like 36 days. this means that on average, we've managed to raise a little better than 20 dollars per day, which is also pretty cool.

now consider that if we manage to maintain this average between now and the day of our con law exam, we will have raised a total of over twelve hundred dollars. true, we'd be a little bit short, but reaching $1500 is certainly within the realm of possibility (especially with 2L's starting to donate, and with people from section 7 who i've never even met before starting to contribute... like you, saucy! although i do hope we meet someday.). the point is that i don't believe that i've set us up to fail or anything like that.

way back on march 8th, in my jean valjean entry, i wrote that "in the weeks ahead, i will be choosing a charity that matters to me. i will set a fundraising goal that is just at the edge of reasonability (reasonableness?), meaning that it will be very hard, but not impossible to attain." anyway, i think that our 1.5K goal pretty much straddles the border between reasonable and ricockulous. the fact that a bunch of poor law students have already shown such amazing generosity makes our accomplishments so far even cooler, if you ask me.

finally, saucy concludes: However, I don't think you can do it. We'll fall short this year, you'll end menlovian, and you'll spend the summer in wonderland with PSM, but when you come back to school in the fall, it'll hit you. You suddenly have an hour more in each day! You'll try to do something else, but you can't! Blogging is a compulsion! it takes over your life! You'll begin again! Sure, you'll try a new name, but in less than a month, you'll drop your subtle hints again... all of a sudden, everyone will be reading your successor site, and either everyone will know it's you, or you'll attempt to maintain your anonymity again, and it will fail. I say you just throw in the towel and admit that you're Adam Lubow.

Menlove replies: that's interesting what you said about blogging being addictive. you may actually be right. i have no frame of reference (i'm out of my element) because i've only been a non-blogger or a blogger, but never an ex-blogger. however, i think that what i'm hooked on, if anything, is having a creative outlet. i do have some other things in mind for next year, some things that i'm really excited about, but to tell you the truth, writing menlovian, trying to get something interesting up here for you guys five nights a week - as fun as it is, and as much as i get out of it - is really exhausting. on top of that, the whole secret identity thing (while it is like a fun game on some levels, and while i do get a kick out of hearing people hypothesize about my identity) is really a drag. it's tiring having to lie about it so much, and it's hard for me to keep track of what i can talk about in my real life, and what i have to keep separate for menlovian.

anyway, i think that i'd much more enjoy a collaborative blogging scenario like the one you and your pals have over there at the345wall, or the one going on at intermeddler. both are excellent and entertaining blogs, but i'd imagine that because of the group dynamic, they both create significantly less burden for any single member.

oh, and by the way, you were right about me being adam lubow.

***
well my big mouth has got me rambling on and on much longer than i'd intended to. still, before i get back to contracts, i have to mention that property class today was absolutely loco. (you know, i hate using crazy fonts or big fonts or anything like that, but i think that it was called for after what we went through in this morning's class.) BJ was simply turbo-charged, and i think that i must have typed at least a dozen pages of notes. the whole thing with her trying to call on jon provided some much-needed comic relief. still, by the end of the second hour, i had begun to question whether i was indeed either born or ascertainable. i'm figure that i'm going to have to freebase or something at 10:45 on thursday morning so that i may get myself more on the wavelength of the lecture. look out, law review, menlove's coming to getcha!

gotta run, everyone. you know what i've got to say, though: i hope you all have a splendid tuesday at good old brooklyn law school. especially fuhrman & furman, attorneys at law... i hope you two have a most peaceful and excellent day today.

-menlove

the home stretch

this is it.

we've made it to our last full week of our first year of law school. i feel like i should be proud of myself, or at least relieved, but i really only feel exhaustion, and a vague sense of creeping dread. somehow i've got to muster the energy to keep myself going for four more weeks until sweet, sweet may 13th, yet this hardly seems possible.

for instance, i just spent a few hours working on (by working on, i mean starting) my property outline. unfortunately, the thing is a total piece of shit. if beryl puts a question on the exam about fox hunting, then i might be ok, but beyond that, i'm pretty much fucked.

anyway, i'll try to keep my whining to a minimum, as i know that you've all got problems of your own: struggling to get outlines finished, feeling angry about the noisy folks in the library, wondering if you should ask out that hottie you've had your eye on all year, sadness over not making the 2nd round of the moot court thing, etc.

(by the way, intermeddler had an excellent piece on this last issue, as well as a very blunt but helpful response from a 2L... check it out here if you have a moment or two.

to that same end, to anyone feeling blue over not seeing their name on that list last week, look at it this way:

at least you don't have to waste any more time thinking about the Repeated Lubricated Use of Industrialized Penises Act (RLUIPA). while everyone on the list stresses, frets and preps to claw their way into those forty or so coveted spots in the days ahead, you can spend your time working on outlines, or simply lazing in the sun, sippin' on a forty, and puffin' on a blunt. in other words, maybe it's better this way. how's that for rationalization?)

on the topic of moot court, i've got to mention that i love all the trash talk that's been going on between section 8 and 9 on the message boards. in fact, i thought everything on the message board over this weekend was fantastic.

also cool was the fact that we had three new contributors to our little freaknik on the last post's board. without futher ado, i'd like to extend a warm menlovian welcome to "indentured student," "broken crank shaft," and "loyal erectors, inc." it's great to have everyone aboard. thanks for signing in, and keep posting!

i've also got to give a shout out and a big thank you to the three people who donated to BLSforGood over the weekend. we've now received donations ranging from $1 to $150! i think that's pretty cool. also this weekend, we received our first pledge from a 2L. also very cool.

our grand total is now up to 666 dollars!



not that i believe in satan or anything like that. i'm a nihilist. vee believe in nussing!

anyway, i hope you all have a great week. especially you, adam ness. i hope that your week shines like the top of the chrysler building.

by the way, here are a few numbers i've come up with for you all:

• total days of class left = 7 (boo yah!)
• hours of civ pro remaining: = less than 3!
• hours of property class still to be enjoyed = just about 6!
• average time for man to reach orgasm during coitus = 2 minutes (way to go, fellas!)
• average time for woman to reach orgasm = 15 minutes (unless you're with me, ladies. i'll have you there in under 14 or it's free.)
• days until poser's contracts exam = 15
• days until menlovian ends = 26

enjoy the home stretch, yall!

-menlove

all sorts of shit

i've been meaning to write something for the last week or two about mitch hedberg, a great comedian who was recently found dead in a new jersey hotel room. his death didn't get much coverage because it was in the middle of a parade of much larger, high-profile deaths on TV and such.

regardless, he was a truly unique performer. like steven wright, hedberg was king of the razor-sharp one-liner, and many of his hyper-literal observations were extremely memorable.

i thought i'd dedicate a little space on menlovian to some of his greatest (or at least my favorite) jokes. so i hope you all enjoy, and here's to you, mitch.



I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer time, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito, Dad. You know how I like mine: with grill marks."

I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "So do I." "Lets form a club then." "Okay, but we're gonna need more stipulations." "Yes we do." "OK... Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again." "Yeah, four triangles." "And we will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips. Or potato salad." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!"

Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper, but it's a bullshit replica, 'cuz the dude didn't even get his degree. Alright.

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

Some people say "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green". Ah hold on now... purple or green? You gotta draw the line somwhere. To hell with purple people! Unless they're suffocatin'... then, help 'em!

I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still got tartar, but that shit's under control. If the tartar gets outta line, I'm like, "come on, man. You know the deal. You crazy-ass tartar" I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in shit!...That's actually kinda gross.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one's the real hero?

I find that duck's opinions of me are very much influenced over whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on a duck ever. Like, if I worked in a convenience store, and a duck walked in a took a loaf of bread in it's beak, I would let it. I would say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends." When I think of a duck's friends, I think of more ducks in tow. But, they could have a beaver in there, too. Cause if you're an animal, you want to have a beaver as a friend, cause they have some kickass houses. Right on the lake. "Fuck lakeside, this is lake ON!"

I like the FedEx guy, 'cause he is a drug dealer and he don't even know it! And he is always on time.

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one fucking complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. Good luck fucker. The last payment must be made in wampum.

There's a commercial on late-night TV for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it says "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product." Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach!? That seems so very mean. "I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully, they will invent a product before you shrivel and die. Think like a cactus!"

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I am older. You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera ...

An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an escalator "Temporarily Out of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience ... We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

***

so i guess school was pretty cool today. contracts was fairly straightforward, and poser was pretty funny when he reminded us that "you can't kill your parents and say, 'but i'm an orphan.'"

and the bagel party in legal writing was a nice way to end the year with robyn. i enjoyed listening to her talk so much shit about pennsylvania and the entire south, and the bagels and muffins were a nice little treat, so all in all, i can't complain. i thought she was a pretty good professor all things considered, though i did see a few people writing some bad reviews on the evaluation forms.

also interesting was robyn's refutation of beryl's theory that we should choose classes to prepare us for our career, not for the bar exam. i was wondering if anyone else has heard anything about which is the right way to select courses for the next two years.

in other news, the names of the people who made the 2nd round for the moot court tryout were posted this afternoon. i'd like to congratulate the following people from my section who made the cut:

meaghan a.
scott c.
jed f.
brittany h.
allison j.
david k.
woody l.
knox m.
demian o.
aimee s.
lishani s.

i'm proud of you guys, and i hope you all go out there and kick arse in the 2nd round. and a little message to the rest of the school... if you find yourself paired up against one of these eleven section 9'ers in the second round, you'd better bring your A-game, because these eleven folks keep their shit tight. (this is especially true if you find yourself paired up againt someone on this list whose name rhymes with either reagan, box, or, well, demian... with these three, you're entering a world of pain.) section 9, represent, baby baby!

(speaking of entering a world of pain, as you know, i'm always quoting from the big lebowski, which a lot of people claim is the best movie of all time, or at least the most quotable. seems like at least once every few weeks, i overhear people at school talking about it and trading quotes back and forth.

to let you in on a little menlovian secret, i actually never saw this movie until last week. until then, i'd just been pulling quotes off of the web, and inserting them where i thought they'd sound funny. anyway, now that i've seen it, i'm a little bit confused as to what all the fuss is about. yes, it was definitely funny... walter was a great character, and turturro was a scene-stealer, but overall it didn't blow my mind or anything like that. although i've heard that it is a movie you've got to see multiple times to fully "get it," i'm wondering whether it's really worth all the effort. your thoughts?)

finally, someone raised an interesting issue on the message board about who was the best professor of our 1L year... the general consensus is that the heavyweight bout would have to come down to sebok vs. poser.

unfortunately, i have had trouble posting polls lately, so we won't be able to decide the issue that way, but still, i thought we could open up the discussion boards on this topic.

so here's what i'm looking for on the message boards...

• on the topic of mitch hedberg and stand-up in general, who are the best comedians out there right now?
• thoughts on the bagel party / legal writing in general
• theories of course selection... bar prep vs. career prep
• is lebowski really that funny?
• and finally, who's the top gun, sebok or poser?

thanks for playing, kids. don't forget to open up your hearts to the people of africa. skip that second cup of douwe, send me a dollar pledge (or more, if you can swing it), and do something that really matters with your scrizzle.

i hope you all have a great weekend. especially janice cooperman, sam levy, marc-andre wolfe, and juanita parker: i hope you four have the time of your life.

-menlove

sam, dig this!

the title of course refers to axl hellerstein's way of addressing professor samuel murumba in regards to the disappearing civil liberties mug.

it was a boring class, though hellerstein jazzed it up a bit with his sweet infomercial for the aforementioned product, as well as some major league name-dropping, including references to poker games with harvard professor saks, and some guy named robert kennedy.

(sam, dig this: i was speaking this past weekend with some idiot at a bar who told me that she'd just gotten invited to a party being thrown by one of the kennedys.

"that's cool," i said. "which one?"

her answer: jamie.

my flabbers were so gasted that i nearly shit her pants. it's always amazing when i meet a fellow menlove.)

(as a side note, i would love for someone to come up with a list of hellerstein's all-time greatest name-drops. i know i've written about others before, but i couldn't possibly remember them all. can you?)

anyhow, did anyone else find professor jones' lesson to be unusually clear and well-taught today? my notes make sense, and i actually learned quite a bit. i felt like i'd gotten my money's worth in property, which was a good feeling.

however, shammy once again stole the show in today's class, which means that the kid's basically kicking ass this week. i don't know how the hell he comes up with his shit so quickly, but the guy's definitely been making class a lot more memorable. i'm not sure if you read this crap, david, but if you'd ever like to write a guest column in menlovian on any topic you wish, i'd gladly hand over the reigns for a day. email me if you're interested.

i guess there are really only two questions yet to be answered this week:

will poser say the words "sperm oil" in class tomorrow? and will someone actually pelt robyn with a bagel tomorrow?

(if the answer to both these questions is yes, i'll drop trou and stick my big menlovian butt in the air, and wave it like i just don't care.) (unless that would be too fratty.)

sam, dig this: only 9 days of class left! holy shnikies! oh yeah, what's up, "owen equipment and erection company"? glad to have you on board.

hope you all enjoy classes tomorrow. especially prasanna subramanian, demian ordway, rebecca blum, and sarah martel. i hope you guys have the time of your life.

i'm out like the gout (and i'm illin' like penicillin, but that's neither here nor there).

stay frosty,

-menlove

serious & silly

i think that the stuff you guys wrote on yesterday's message board was incredibly thoughtful and meaningful, so thank you.

it was great to read the quote that someone posted from the captain in cool hand luke. does anyone remember that guns n' roses song called civil war from one of the use your illusion albums? i believe that they actually sampled the captain's quote at the beginning of that song. i'm not sure why, though, because it really doesn't fit so well with the rest of the lyrics. oh well... who can try to comprehend the madness that is axl rose.

that's a pretty sweet name when you think about it. axl.

axl rose sounds pretty cool.
axl menlove... not so cool.
axl hellerstein... that's more like it.

speaking of the donker, hellerstein's been pretty interesting lately, and class tomorrow should be a good one, especially considering how he was in the trenches for all of this voting rights stuff. i'm sure we'll hear some good stories. personally, i'm still hoping to hear more about his role in the attica insurrection of 1971. i picture him running through the prison corridors, as always, with a machete in hand.

anyway, back to your comments on the message board. my absolute favorites were the back-to-back scorpion parables you guys posted. they both resonated with me, and i believe them both to be true.

in the spirit of these parables or koans or whatever they were, here are two of my favorites, one serious, and one a bit silly.

***
buddha told the following parable in a sutra:

a man traveling across a field encountered a tiger. he fled, the tiger after him. coming to a precipice, he jumped off, caught hold of the root of a wild vine, and swung himself down over the edge.

the tiger sniffed and swiped at him from above.

trembling, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger was waiting to eat him. it paced around in a hungry circle. only the vine sustained him.

two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away at the vine.

the man saw a luscious strawberry near him. grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. how sweet it tasted!

***
menlove told the following parable in sutra:

two tall trees, a birch tree and a beech tree, grew side by side in the forest. a young sapling sprouted up from the ground between them.

the beech tree says to the birch, "is that young sapling the son of a birch the son of a beech?" the birch tree says he cannot tell.

just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. the birch says, "woodpecker, you are a tree expert. can you please tell us whether that tree is the son of a birch or the son of a beech?"

the woodpecker takes a tiny taste of the small tree.

he replies, "this here tree is neither the son of a birch nor the son of a beech. this, my friends, is the finest piece of ash i have ever put my pecker in."

***
i also came across this somewhere in my travels:

the four stages of courage

the fear of courage
the fear of fear
the courage of fear
the courage of courage

in these final weeks of this terrible and wonderful roller coaster ride that is our first year at BLS, may we all be driven by a courage born of courage. know that the end is in sight, and know that you will do well.

or as these weird chicks once told me: "be bloody, bold, and resolute: laugh to scorn the power of man."

or as marky mark would say: "nicole 4 eva"


"now i popped both your cherries, mister walker"

i'll see you all tomorrow at the wednesday morning B.J. extravaganza...

-menlove

ugly

you guys are great...

i figure that i must enjoy the arguments and jokes on the message boards more than anyone else. it's always fun to hear what people think about menlove and menlovian, even those who don't like it. thanks for the constructive criticism, thanks to those of you who stick up for what i'm doing here, thanks to those of you who keep the mood light, and thanks to 10:05 for your advice.

today was a normal monday, except that even the professors are starting to hint at how the end is in sight. hella mentioned that we only have something like five more class meetings (is this right???) and beryl casually mentioned how some of us might not be in attendance on wednesday.

in the strangest way, i'm actually starting to become a little bit fond of professor jones. she was basically in a good mood today, and when she's in a good mood, the class can be somewhat interesting.

but what always cracks me up about her is how she's constantly encouraging us to ask her to slow down, or to repeat herself when she's going too quickly for our note-taking. yet when we ask her to do so, she invariably loses track of what she's just said. if you ask her to repeat something, it's as if you've asked her a question about something she's never even mentioned before.

i imagine that her brain is like this really frantic computer that spits out memos at a terrifying rate, and her mouth is like the paper-shredder that destroys the words systematically as they exit from her mouth... or that each sentence she utters is like a chain of lemmings taking a suicide leap off of her tongue, never to be revived again.

she's truly a one-in-a-million personality.

con law was basically slow today, but the highlight was hella's digression toward the end of class about (i wish i could remember the party names) that bronx attorney who had his girlfriend blinded, and how she stayed with him while he was in jail, and how he then "played around" on her afterwards...

but of courst the best part of the story was when shammy tossed off what was perhaps the funniest line of the month, about how it didn't matter because his girlfriend "couldn't see him cheating anyway."

that was some funny shit. i would never have the balls to toss off a one-liner like that in the middle of one of hellerstein's bronx tales. here's to you, david!

***
so i know that sometimes you guys write to me looking for advice about dating or school or whatever, but today i sort of need some of you to return the favor. i've found myself in a sad and strange situation, and was wondering what course of action some of the wiser souls among you would advise...

this story is true. i know i always say that a story is true, and then it turns out to be a bunch of outrageous, tracheotomy hole-sucking nonsense, but this one is really true, no matter how much i wish that it wasn't.

so there's this guy i've known since i was five years old. for the sake of this story, i'll call him B. actually, to give you a sense of my relationship with B, here's a brief timeline of my relationship with him. the number after each bullet represents how old he and i were when each thing happened.

• 5... i meet B in a local community thingy, and we become friends. our parents become friends as well.
• 6, 7, 8... B and i play on various community sports teams together. each of our dads coaches at various times. B is a good athlete, but already sort of a spaz.
• 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... B and i fluctuate between being decent friends and just casual friendly faces. i have crazy adventures with him, like when he and i broke into our middle school basement to "explore," and eventually came upon the room where the janitor lived. B steals candy from the janitor's room. i ate it with him. at bar mitzvahs, B leads our group of friends out of services to go mix shit up. at one point, the rabbi's wife tackles him as he sneaks out of a service. when we are twelve, some girls ask B to see his penis, and he obliges. he also starts rolling "joints" made out of herbal tea, and we try to smoke these in the bathroom at my church. you get the point. meanwhile, our dads play softball on the same team for many years, and B's parents treat me like family whenever i'm at their house (which is a few times per year), because they like my family so much, and find me to be a calm and kind influence on their son.
• 14, 15... we're at the same high school, but B doesn't fit in too well socially. he is so brash and confident, but always aloof and clueless. the cooler kids tolerate him, even hang out with him, but treat him like garbage. as the months go by, he is viewed like more and more of a freak. B is also getting high and drinking almost daily by the start of sophomore year. (by the way, B is the youngest of 3 boys. both brothers are druggies, and his parents should be divorced, but aren't. his mom is also getting pretty sick with liver issues, i believe brought about by drinking, but i don't know for sure.)
• 16... B stops by my place of employment to tell me that he's running away from home. his parents call me the next day, and i tell them what i know. he lives with an uncle in florida for a few weeks, then they ship him back home. his folks enroll him in the snottiest private school in town. from what i heard, the kids there treated him like total garbage, beating him up and so on. i hardly hang out with him at all anymore, and when i do, i try to keep us out of public, because he's always on the verge of making a scene, offending someone, acting like an idiot, or whatever.
• 17,18... pretty much out of contact with him, but still am friendly with his folks when i see them.
• 18,19... he manages to graduate, and we go to the same college. he's in my latin class freshman year, but he attends only once every other week, and usually falls asleep in class. one day he shows up to class without a shirt on, and wearing a necklace with all these crazy feathers all over it, then immediately falls asleep at his desk. the professor has had enough, and tells him to get out. a week later, he's dropped out of school.
• 19,20... we're barely in touch. i see him maybe twice a year, and try to keep it on the DL, as he's even more of a social pariah than ever. i still care about the kid, and know that he has a good heart, but it's just too damn embarrassing to be in public with him. he came once to my dorm and shamed me by hitting on every one of my female friends in an obnoxious and rude manner, then nearly got his ass kicked at a party, then got literally thrown out of the party, flung through the air onto his ass on the sidewalk.
• 21... he came to a party my friends and i threw senior year. we actually had a good time. he stands on a ping-pong table in the middle of a crowded room, and shouts out the following declaration: "i can out-drink, out-smoke, and out-trip anyone at this party." people sort of seem to like him for once. his mom has a stroke and some major throat surgery. his brothers have their acts together, and now have families and graduate degrees. he's still not really in school, and gets fired from some jobs in our home town
• 22... i graduate, he doesn't. we speak on the phone maybe 3x per year. i'm always rooting for him, hoping that he'll get his shit together, but he's basically grown into one of the most wacky people i've ever met. he's still got what i think is a good heart, and it still bums me out how much trouble he's having getting a foothold in life.

so this is where shit gets horrible, and some very unsettling things start happening. B manages to piece together some sort of associate's degree in horticulture, and actually somehow becomes a franchisee for fairly major chain in our hometown, opening a store close to his folks' home. he also moves into his own place. he's got a steady job and the store is doing well (or at least it's not going out of business), but he's still doing all sorts of coke and LSD.

we rarely speak. he calls one time to catch up, and i ask him about his dating life. he asks me my opinion about whether it's ok to hook up with a girl who is under 18. (apparently, the only friends he seems to have are the high-school aged employees who work for him.) i'm like, god no... you've got to be joking... under no circumstances... don't even maintain non-professional friendships... don't put yourself in a situation where things could even be remotely romantic... etc, etc... all the stuff any sane adult would say in such a situation. B seems to understand, and thanks me for my advice.

some time passes, and a girl from my high school class who also knew B from when he attended our school calls me to tell me that she heard that B was registered as a sex offender in our home state. i tell her that i don't believe it, and i do some pretty extensive research into the available sex registries, but can't find his name.

last night, i'm doing the property reading, and get to the stuff about the condo association that wants to bar tier-3 sex offenders. it reminds me about B, so i do some more internet searches, and sure enough, there he is. it's his name, his picture, his height & weight, his home and work addresses...

i feel like i'm going to vomit looking at his picture on my laptop. his crime is "gross sexual imposition." i do a little westlaw work, and pull out the applicable statute from the state code.

basically, he's guilty of either using force or threatening force to sexually assault someone, OR using drugs or alcohol to get someone to submit to sexual contact, OR having sex with someone too old, injured, intoxicated, or insane to say no to sex, OR having sexual contact with someone under the age of 14.

so basically i feel really sad, disgusted, confused, and angry about what he's done.

of course a part of me, the part who played t-ball with B when we were 5, is thinking, "maybe he didn't know her age... maybe he didn't know she was drunk... maybe he was falsely accused," and so on.

but the rational, adult, law student part of me knows that the vast majority of people who are prosecuted and convicted of these crimes are indeed guilty, and deserve harsh punishments and the social condemnation and stigmas that go along with it.

i'm realizing that this was a really long story, so thanks to those of you who have stuck with me. it feels good to get it all out in writing, even though i'm embarrassed even to say that i know someone who has committed such a heinous crime.

so what i'm struggling with here is trying to figure out how i should handle it the next time B sends me an email or gives me a call.

i have always had the utmost contempt for sexual predators, rapists, molesters, and so on, and believe that the punishments for these crimes should be much stricter than they are. it has always killed me to read statistics that say that one out of four women are sexually assaulted in college, or that only something like five percent of rapes ever lead to convictions. to me, these facts have always pointed to just how fundamentally sick and fucked up our society has become.

yet on the other hand, i have always been able to loathe these perverts in the abstract. true, i've always viewed them as monsters, but it wasn't until last night that any of these monsters had a face.

my heart right now is telling me some conflicting things:

1. i was wrong about B having a good heart. maybe he did once, but not now.
2. i would be horrified to have to speak with him again, and don't want to even hear his voice. if i did, i would probably have to confront him about it.
3. he deserves to be shunned by society. his face is on that registry for a reason.
4. he hurt an innocent person, possibly a child. this person's life may not get put back together again because of B's actions.
5. some people truly learn from their mistakes. maybe B learned from his. maybe he is truly sorry. but maybe he is just a sick fuck who would hurt someone else if he could get away with it.
6. even though we've never been best friends or anything like that, i've known the guy for the better part of my life. i've also probably been one of the only people in B's life who has always rooted for him, and treated him with civility. maybe he needs a friend now more than ever before.

i could go on, but the point is that i don't know what to do. should i care about B at all, and should i value what little bit of friendship we still have? when he calls, do i pick up? when he emails, do i reply? if so, how do i handle this? do such people deserve second chances? am i a fool to hope that there is still some goodness in him?

i guess i should have paid more attention to all of that stuff dressler wrote about the different theories of punishment. anyway, i would be grateful for any advice or feedback you guys might have. thanks for listening.

***

i'd hate to end on a bad note like that, and fortunately i have some good news... our 10 day streak without a donation is over...

much thanks go out to the lovely person who pitched in today to our BLSforGood cause. we've now raised well over $600 for Africare. this is a major milestone, regardless of whether we reach our goal or not, so thanks again.

i'll see you all with the dozer. much love...

-menlove

boo-boo, dockers & tulip

hi all, sorry it's been awhile since i've been able to post anything for you guys. i spent a good hour on friday night writing my little "mootsturbation" story for you guys, but when i tried to save it as a draft, blogger gave me a nice little surprise by deleting it instead, and then would not allow me to log back in for nearly 24 hours. needless to say, i was pretty pissed off, but whatever. maybe the story isn't meant to be... perhaps anything else written about masturbation on menlovian would only contribute to the "frat club" tone that someone brought up on the message board.

speaking of the shades of frattyness, to the person who posted the link to the topless woman by the jetski: great picture, but you've got to put a warning next to a link like that. just as a matter of civility toward your fellow readers, keep in mind that some people may not necessarily be in the mood to gaze upon those glorious twin mounds of silicone without a requisite "heads up." so from now on, anyone who wants to link to a picture of topless chicks, or three old men blowing each other (yes, this picture has actually been making the rounds around sections 8 & 9), just give a little warning first. thanks.

so i'm feeling way behind on all the stuff i've been meaning to talk about, such as the story i mentioned before, my moot court tryout experience, poser's attempts to incorporate powerpoint slides into his lectures, and so on, but as i look at the calendar, i see that there are literally just a few weeks until we have to run the gauntlet once again.

seeing as how i typically post four or five times per week, plus once after each exam, i'm realizing that i'll only be writing about 15-20 more menlovian entries before i sign off for good.

i guess what i'm saying is that i'll try to use this space wisely in the weeks to come.

anyhow, i very much enjoyed the debate and trash talk that was raging on the last entry's message board. congrats to "anonymous" at 8:40 who went directly under his classmates' skin by mentioning his rich daddy and his desire to be "tappin' away in South Beach" for the rest of his life. it was all quite entertaining.

(my personal favorite part, as a bit of a logophile, was his use of the word cock-a-mania in place of the more pedestrian cockamamie. i looked up cock-a-mania on the internet, but was unable to find any decent definitions; instead, i ended up looking at some pretty unkosher websites. although i'd imagine that if i had to come up with a definition for cock-a-mania, i'd guess that it's a highly contagious affliction that typically breaks out in the women's locker room in the hours before final exams.)

the point is, nice job, 8:40, although your whole shtick reeks of fiction to me. not that i know anything about writing from a fictitious first-person perspective.

also on the message board were some words of wisdom from a BLS 2L. i'd like to thank this person for his or her brutally honest yet somehow encouraging words. thanks also for your compliments on menlovian.

before i return to con law, i'd just like to mention that there has not been a donation to Africare in nearly 10 days, and it's starting to look like i won't have to reveal my identity after all. still, those of you who have seen BLSforGood may have noticed that my name is listed among the potential donors.

the point is that i plan on making this contribution whether we reach $1,500 or not. hopefully others of you will do the same as well. i'd hate to see all of our pledges vanish simply because we "only" raised 600 dollars. it's just too important an issue to ignore.

so as i sign off tonight, i find myself thinking about how i should utilize these final 15-20 entries. should i continue with the daily updates of what strikes me funny in class? pay tribute to the greatest people, professors, and cafeteria workers of the year? shift toward posting more ridiculous short stories as i have done from time to time? turn this thing into a pbs-esque fundraising campaign? (i think i do enough of that already) just shut up already, sign off for the year, and get serious about outlining?

i've always felt that menlovian was something that belonged to all of us, so i'm interested in what you guys would like to see in these final weeks of the school year. if you've got any topics you'd like to see addressed in the weeks ahead, let me know with a post on the board, or via an email to menlovebls@hotmail.com. i'll do my best to oblige.

have a good week, everyone. especially robert kim, swati bose, joseph nivin, and brittany hagans: i hope you guys have the time of your life this week.

-menlove

67 to 58

it's a miracle!

(albeit a small one.)

no thanks to me, but congrats to all of you.

strange but true

Cheney Offspring Bursts From Bush's Chest


thought you all might enjoy that little nugget from the onion.

it was indeed an exciting day of law school today. highlights included poser's explication of the jurisprudential ramifications of haunted houses, and gora's moving tribute to frank perdue (not to mention that other guy who died this week).

as someone astutely noted on the discussion board, gora also gave a nice little chuckle to those who were paying attention when he mentioned the "erection company." as i had not read the case, i was not sure what he was talking about, but i'd imagine that it has something to do with fluffers.

so i'm going to keep this short tonight as i'm sort of recovering from my moot court debacle this afternoon. i'll try to give a fuller report on it in the days ahead, but those of you who have been through it already know that it will be a woeful chronicle of incompetence and public emasculation.

on the self-flagellation tip, i'm also nearly done with my terrible little tale about what happens when menlove gets a bit too excited and is left to his own devices in the moot court room. let's just say that shit gets pretty sexy.

before i go, i want to give a shout out to "randy" who emailed me about a little side project that hellerstein's been working on. i never knew that the dude was so musically inclined... check it out here.

oh, and don't forget about my little side project.

hasta,

-menlove

black angus in a pensive mood

so i've been befuddled by technical difficulties lately, and have had trouble getting a post online. i spent a little bit of time this weekend writing up a poll about everyone's favorite topic, masturbation, but i had a bit of trouble getting it up for you guys.

(hee hee... i said i had trouble getting it up.)

anyway, the old site i used to use to make polls isn't working right anymore, so i guess we won't be voting for it. though i'd imagine that if it came down to a vote, masturbation would win in a landslide.

well, at least i'd vote for it. i'm definitely pro-masturbation. i try not to be too overtly political on this blog, but this is one issue i actually feel very strongly about.

though i don't make a daily habit of stroking it in school or anything like that, i actually did whip it out at BLS one time for a bit of self-flagellation (although not in the library), but that's a long story, and perhaps one that might push the limits of good taste and decorum, even for my randy and rowdy readership. it's probably best that i don't tell you all about it, lest i alienate or frighten off the five readers i have left.

(you know i'm fucking with you. since you guys brought it up, i'll totally be telling you my mootsturbation story in the next few days... just don't say i didn't warn you.)

***
thanks to the person who posted that fun link on the message board. here's another one that's pretty fun as well.

before i sign off, i have to note that today i rode in the elevator twice with a woman from section 8 to whom i was definitely introduced in the first couple weeks of school. we sat in the same row during a class last semester, and have since spent hundreds of hours in each other's presence throughout the course of the year, as well as countless hours in the library. though we've never been friends or even been chummy, i'm 100% positive that she recognizes my face, and probably also knows my name.

anyway, the point is that both times in the elevator, even though we were the only two people in it, she acted like she didn't know me or didn't even see me at all. the first time i saw her i said hello, and the second ride in the elevator, i just sort of made eye contact, but both times, i got abosolutely no response.

what's up with that? i have to wonder if this is a case of rudeness or shyness or just plain obliviousness to one's surroundings. has anyone else had this issue? i figure that at this point, i'll say hi to everyone in section 8 and section 9, even the people who annoy me or whose names i don't really know.

i mean, are people really that shy that they can't even say hello? or are people that conceited that they can't even say hi to someone they've basically worked with all year, even when he's totally a menlovian loser like me?

anyway, that's all the venting i need to do on that. it's not a big deal, but i just thought it was weird.

maybe we should try a little experiment:

i don't care where, when, or to whom you do this, but at some point this week, let's all smile and say hello to someone who we usually ignore. it could be the guy you always sit near in the cafeteria, or the girl who always walks in late and sits in front of you in civ pro. it might even be me, and believe me, you'd be making my day if you did.

answer key

i'll admit that poser's "two economists are walking down the street" joke wasn't exactly hilarious, but you had to love his lead-in: waving off a student comment and declaring, "i have to get this off my chest."

i'm going to get right down to business tonight, as i've still got a few hours to spend with our beloved DHH text. congratulations to the winner of the year-in-pictures contest, who asked to be identified as "raj." raj, i'll be emailing you in a day or two to let you know where you can pick up your prize. anyway, congrats, and thanks to the five people who tried to identify all of the images.

anyhow, to those of you who care, here's the answer key to my year-in-pictures from a couple days ago.

1. just a shower head, right? wrong. Raj got this one right... it's a famous shot from hitchcock's psycho.
2. i don't know where the hell pic #2 went, but it was colonel kilgore from apocalypse now.
3. come on, you've got to know that's the dude, listening to the sounds of the humpback whales! 4/5 of you got this right.
4. just some cool pic of a cat... not from any movie / tv show that i know of.
5. a cast photo from "head of the class," a mediocre tv show about a bunch of nerds. bonus points to those of you who remembered (or looked up) character names such as arvid engen (the biggest nerd), dennis blundon (the fat guy), eric (the bad boy), darlene (the one who got her ass kicked by iron mike), and simone (the hot-ass redhead).
6. barton fink!
7. just a lightning bolt, not from a movie
8. this is from the classic film, "a night in paris" starring paris hilton. in this scene, she is giving skull to the cameraman. and yes, that is just the tiniest bit of dong in the corner of the frame. i like to slip in a little pinga here and there.
9. some of the best tracking shots of all time... the first of four pics from the shining. the character on the trike is danny torrance. Raj got bonus points for naming the overlook hotel as another character pictured in this shot... it's a nice place to spend the winter. "perfect for a child."
10. obviously this is willy wonka. bonus points to the person who also named charlie bucket.
11. also from the shining. no one got this one right, but these are delbert grady's daughters. or their ghosts. or something.
12. kurtz from apocalypse.
13. danny again rockin' the bomb-ass haircut.
14. it's those wacky grady girls again.
15. annie from misery
16. a couple of you guessed that this is steve prefontaine, but i'm pretty sure it's just a random pic of some dude running.
17. regan from the exorcist. that one was a gimme.
18. i have no idea who this dude is, but he's pretty much my hero.
19. this is bobby in deliverance squealing like a pig.
20. i love this frame. it's leonard lawrence a.k.a. private gomer pyle from full metal jacket.

just one more class until the weekend. next week is my big moot court thingy. obviously, i'm not exactly excited for that one, but it'll be cool i hope. there was a great post on intermeddler yesterday on the topic of the moot court tryouts; read it if you're looking for any helpful hints and suggestions.

this comment just came in on yesterday's entry, and i don't want it to get lost in the shuffle: "Menlove, can you post a masturbation poll on the site? This convo has got me thinking- how often do other people masturbate? I mean, I pull at least once a day, if not more. I'm curious- am I a freak?"

menlove replies: once a day, if not more? you are a dirty, dirty sinner. unfortunately, last time i tried posting a poll, it didn't work. i'll try again in the next few days, but feel free to discuss on the message board in the meantime.

finally, if you haven't already, feel free to email me right now at menlovebls@hotmail.com, and pledge a dollar or more for Africare. i hate to come off like sally struthers, but we raised over 200 dollars this week, and maybe we can keep it going in the coming week as well.

have a great weekend, every last one of you.